Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular leadership theories in the workplace. Some even refer to it as the “newest hot topic” in management. But is it really worth your time?

Many people use the term “emotional intelligence” loosely, so they can’t agree on what the word actually means. This makes it difficult to determine whether or not EI programs are truly effective.

Some say that EQ training is just a way to make sure you’re not a psychopath, while others claim that it’s nothing more than social skills education. Others still insist that it’s about narcissism.

No matter which version you choose to believe, there’s no denying that EQ is an important skill for anyone to have.

But is investing in your own EQ worth the money? That depends largely on how you define the term “investing”. In this article, we will talk about some reasons why developing your emotional literacy may be a waste of time and resources.

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Definition of emotional intelligence

Over the past few decades, there has been an increasing focus on what we refer to as “emotional literacy” or “self-control”. These terms seem less dramatic than something like self-esteem, but they address a similar concept – being aware of your emotions and how you respond to them.

This is actually a pretty powerful thing. We spend a significant amount of time thinking about our jobs and career paths, but too often we neglect to consider how much our personal life impacts our job success.

Think about it - if you are in a relationship that does not work, will future employers give you credit for trying to make it work? If you just lost your best friend, will people learn this from watching you interact with each other at work?

Conversely, if your relationships are going well and you are showing signs of passion and friendship, these things can help demonstrate that you have healthy interpersonal skills and do not need to be trained in emotion regulation. A lot of employers look negatively on employees who display strong feelings, so being able to control yourself is seen as important.

Factors that affect your emotional intelligence

One of the most important things you can work to develop as an empath is your ability to recognize and manage your emotions.

This is difficult for some people because they feel emotionally detached or even numb in certain situations, but developing more skillful emotion regulation will help you with your empathy.

When you are able to identify your feelings and understand why you are feeling a particular way, then you can take time to reflect and determine whether these thoughts and feelings are appropriate and/or helpful.

You may be too quick to assign value to something that made you feel bad, for example by criticizing it or assigning blame to someone else. This could prevent you from experiencing similar negative experiences in the future.

How to improve your emotional intelligence

Improving your emotional quotient (EQ) is one of the most powerful ways to achieve success in life.

Many people have a misconception about what EQ means. Some believe that it is having high self-esteem or being able to identify and label your feelings, which are both good things. But there’s another important aspect of EQ that gets less attention — understanding how other people feel around you and influencing their emotions for positive changes.

That second part is more like “emotion literacy.” You know when someone you love has done something special for you? They might kiss you on the cheek with lots of tears, and maybe even give you a little gift.

You can be sure they’ve spent time thinking about doing this, so why are they crying? Maybe because they’re overwhelmed by how much they care for you, and they want to say thank you but don’t know what to do.

It makes them think of all the different ways they’ll miss you, and then trying to come up with a gift takes longer than expected, so they pick something small instead. It may not seem like a lot to you, but for them it was very significant.

This kind of emotion literacy is an essential quality in anyone who wants to succeed in life. People will put in extra effort for you, and keep coming back if they see that you understand how others feel.

Key tips for emotional intelligence

Being able to identify your emotions is one of the most fundamental skills you can develop. When you are aware of what you’re feeling, it helps in understanding yourself and others more clearly.

It also helps in achieving personal goals and staying motivated long term. By being conscious of your feelings, you can work out why you feel a certain way about something and address that issue.

With emotional intelligence there are several different types of scores you could get. Some look at how well you understand your own emotions while other assess if you use emotion regulation strategies effectively.

A lot will depend on whether you use silence or talk as a de-stressant, if you acknowledge and accept your own mistakes, if you listen instead of talking all the time and if you ask questions rather than making assumptions.

Hold on to your anger

When you feel angry, stay with it for some time before letting go of that energy.

Holding onto your feelings is not productive for yourself or others.

When you are too quickly able to put away your emotions, this can be seen as a sign of low emotional intelligence.

This is not an appropriate way to respond when things happen that make you feel bad or offended.

By holding onto your feelings, you give those people more power over you.

It may also help them gain internal strength by understanding why they felt the way they did.

On the other hand, if you try to avoid something that makes you uncomfortable, you will never know what true strengths you have.

You should always look in the mirror before thinking you are fine; I bet you’re not! We all have our days where we do things we shouldn’t, but there’s usually a reason behind it.

We’ve got to learn how to identify those reasons so that we don’t keep repeating poor behaviors.

Don’t be too honest

Most people are not aware of this, but when you're trying to improve your emotional intelligence (EI), one thing you must remember is that it's okay to put on a show.

You may have heard the expression "fake it until you make it" before? That saying applies here. You can't develop your EI if you don't control your emotions, so practicing putting on the appearance of how you would like to feel is crucial.

It'll help you in the short term by breaking down internal barriers, and it could also boost your self-confidence.

Be realistic

We’ve all seen those emotional intelligence (or EQ) “slide shows” where someone emotes for five minutes about something very serious, like their job or family life, before bursting into tears.

They might even get a few soft smiles while they are crying – but that is as close as people will come to putting in the effort needed to show true emotions.

Why? Because we believe you can’t really feel anything unless you have felt something before, and most people haven’t.

That isn’t to say there aren’t things you can do to help yourself feel happier, just that it takes more work than giving yourself a quick smile after you have lost your temper.

Start by being real with yourself. If you want to feel happy then make an effort to put yourself in situations where you are likely to feel happy.

Set goals and milestones along the way so you don’t keep hitting a wall of ‘I’m not feeling anywhere’.

Learn to laugh

A lot of people get very upset about things that seem trivial or unnecessary. You may have heard stories of someone who got really angry over something silly, like a joke they felt was inappropriate or hurt their feelings.

You probably know some people like this already – people with much passion and intensity in what they do. They can be very motivating for others around them because they’re so invested in what they care about.

But you should try to avoid making people too excited or passionate about things unless it is necessary. This will hinder good relationships and communication!

Everyone has certain emotions they are more susceptible to than others. Some people are just not able to control their reactions to things due to lack of emotional intelligence (EI).

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a condition where your body gets into a constant state of alertness and worry. People with GAD are constantly on edge and worried about everything from little annoyances to major issues.

In fact, one of the main symptoms is worrying too much about non-issues.

If you find yourself getting overly excited or even becoming slightly irritated about something totally unrelated to someone else’s mood, chances are you have low levels of EI.

Try to relax and understand why they might be feeling the way they are. Also, ask if there is anything you can do to help them feel better.