Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ as it is commonly referred to) has become one of the most popular psychology theories. It seems like every major company makes mention of it in their employee training programs. TED talks about how important it is for professionals to understand your own emotions so you can better help people relate to them. And now there are many online courses and books that claim to improve your EQ.

While having high levels of empathy and emotion regulation are good things, research shows that we’re not all born with the same level of EQ. Some people may be naturally more emotionally intelligent than others. This could make them seem “out-of-the-ballpark” when they think something is wrong, or even fake when they perceive someone else feels bad.

There are several reasons why some people might feel more inclined towards being empathetic than others. These include: genetics, early experiences, environment, culture, and lifestyle choices. While some of these factors can contribute to higher EQ, no single factor determines if you have high or low EQ.

This article will talk about some ways you can learn more about your own emotional IQ and what you can do to increase it.

Understand your reactions

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A big part of emotional intelligence is understanding yourself. You have to know what you feel before you can work on changing how you feel about things.

Many people struggle with this, because they’re never really sure what they should be feeling. We all have different feelings for different reasons, which makes it hard to say “this situation made me angry, so I will try not to get that mad in future.”

You may need to learn more about why certain things make you feel bad or happy. This could be related to other people, situations, or thoughts of yours.

It could also be due to something outside of you – like someone else’s actions or statements. On top of that, some things just kind of stick with you, no matter what.

That’s totally normal! But if you want to improve your emotional intelligence, you’ll need to figure out what works for you and when it’s time to do something, don’t give up.

Be honest with yourself

A lot of people struggle to be aware of their emotions. They’ll pretend they aren’t feeling something when really, they are.

They’ll put on a show for other people but inside, they’re not being as honest about how they’re feeling.

By this, I mean doing things like denying that you’re angry at someone or trying to convince yourself that nothing has happened.

You’ve got to be able to acknowledge your feelings fully otherwise emotional problems will keep happening over and over again.

Be honest with yourself! Don’t hide what you're feeling from yourself. That won't help you nor anyone else.

It'll also help in improving your emotional intelligence because you'll understand your own internal processes better.

Be honest with others

Being honest is one of the most important qualities in life. People who are not able to be honest with you will eventually lose your trust, which can be very difficult to recover from.

If someone does something that seems dishonest, they should be called out on it. It is their job as a person to fix what needs fixing, but only if you have all the information first.

Be careful how quickly you assume things about other people, but do keep an eye out for signs of deception. If you’re ever made aware of such behavior, go up the ladder until someone admits the truth!

Emotions run high, even when no bad words are said. Sometimes there are clues that someone may not want to tell you everything. For example, they may avoid making direct eye contact, seem distracted, or behave strangely.

It's also worth noting that some types of behaviors tend to occur in groups of people around the same age, gender, and/or position. A lot of young professionals know what we mean when we say "work gets tough at times". This article can help you be more aware of these challenges and how to improve your emotional intelligence.

Be realistic

Many theories about emotional intelligence focus too much on how to improve your EQ, which is great and helpful, but they miss the key part of it. The thing that most people struggle with is being able to identify their own emotions and what effect those feelings have on them.

By practicing this, you will eventually be able to control your own emotions more easily. But only if you are aware of them!

So, when someone calls you or message you angry, try to acknowledge what emotion they’re feeling and why they’re feeling it before responding to make sure your response doesn’t fuel the argument.

The same goes for when something good happens – whether it’s a promotion at work, passing a exam or having a baby. Take some time to recognize and appreciate these things for yourself, rather than comparing yourself to others or thinking “I should have done _____”.

Give yourself credit for doing well, and don’t forget to relish the moment – truly feel happy for yourself. Your inner self knows exactly what you need in order to feel happier, so do not underestimate the importance of seeking out those experiences.

At the very least, emotional agility can help you manage your interactions with other people, avoid arguments and/or conflict where possible, and achieve success in your career and personal life.

Share your feelings and get emotional

Most people keep their emotions to themselves because they are not comfortable sharing them with others.

When you're emotionally intelligent, you realize that being able to identify and understand your own emotions is an important part of understanding other people.

By knowing yourself, you know what buttons can be pressed for certain behaviors or actions and how these affect you. You also learn to recognize when someone else has lost control over their emotions and why this happens.

This article will discuss ways to improve your emotional intelligence by exploring different traits and skills. Starting with something simple will help you feel more confident in your ability to relate to others.

Steps include talking about your feelings and acknowledging emotions you may have missed before. Letting go and accepting things cannot be changed sometimes is the best we can do, so let go and accept that.

Practice these steps and then try applying some to see results.

Don’t bottle up your feelings

Most people struggle with emotional intelligence because they are not aware of their emotions. They feel strong emotions, but they don’t know what to make of them.

They might confuse emotion for motivation, or worry that their own mood may have an effect on others. Others may perceive you as being very cold or distant which makes it hard to form close friendships.

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, you must learn how to recognize your emotions.

You should be able to identify what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Then, you can choose whether to address the cause in yourself or outside of yourself.

Be assertive

Sometimes, before you can improve your emotional intelligence, you need to learn how to be more assertive. This is not saying that you should always speak your mind or never feel shy or nervous before talking, but when you do want to talk, you must know what words to use and how to use them.

Studies show that people with higher levels of emotional intelligence are just as likely to become aggressive as anyone else. It seems like there’s a difference in tone when they are speaking and that their voice doesn’t change much when they are angry or hurt. They may even hold back their emotions slightly so it does not show in what they say.

On the other hand, someone who has low emotional intelligence may get upset very easily and loudly. They might try to make up for having no self-control by being overly friendly, encouraging others to agree with them, and putting off important conversations because they don’t have control over their own feelings.

There will always be things that you cannot change about yourself, but you can work on your willingness to address these issues and increase your emotional literacy. For example, you could ask yourself if something you said caused hurt to another person and whether you were able to avoid any fights or conflicts.

Speak up

Most people are not good at expressing their feelings to others, or if they are, it is only few that do so consistently.

Many feel uncomfortable when trying to describe how they feel to someone else, which can be very difficult for them to manage sometimes.

When we don’t know what to say, we usually go with the first thing that comes into our mind, which may not necessarily have anything to do with how you made us feel.

That could make you feel even more hurt, angry or confused than before!

It takes practice to learn how to speak about your emotions, but there are things you can do to help you along the way.

You can – and should - work on being able to identify your own feelings and those of other people.