Dr. Goleman defines emotional intelligence as “the ability to recognize, assess, control, and utilize your own emotions, and those of others.” In his book, he says that this is an underlying factor in being more successful in life.

He notes that we are living in a highly stressed-out culture where people often feel overworked and overwhelmed. With greater demands coming from outside and within, many struggle to prioritize and manage their time effectively.

In addition, there is a growing emphasis on efficiency — something that creates additional stress for some. Efficiency requires focus which can easily become distracted when priorities shift.

Emotional literacy or EQ comes down to our understanding of how our thoughts influence our feelings and behaviors. This includes knowledge about ourselves (e.g., what traits we show under pressure) and other people (how they perceive us and why).

Some argue that IQ alone will always win out over emotion because it is a systematic process that can be practiced. But emotional skills can help you in every area of your life, even if you have only limited access to formal education.

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You do not need special training in psychology to develop these skills. Here are some strategies you can use to improve yours.

The five elements of emotional intelligence

There are five major components to emotional intelligence (EI). They are motivation, empathy, impulse control, self-regulation, and perception.

Motivation is the willingness to learn new things and be motivated towards an idea or goal. It helps you put in the effort needed to achieve your goals. Motivation can come from within you, like when you feel passionate about something, or it can be external, like someone encouraging you to pursue your dreams.

Empathy refers to being able to recognize and understand emotions that are not yours. This takes practice, but most people have some level of this. Some people may even use these insights to help you identify what’s going on inside of you.

Impulse control involves being aware of your impulses and learning how to manage them. For example, if you want to avoid eating too much junk food, then instead of buying lots of snacks, you need to prevent yourself from grabbing anything tasty at restaurants and stores.

Self-control comes next — being able to regulate your own behavior. This means stopping yourself from doing things you know are bad for you, and putting off actions you should do because you believe you could easily do them later.

The last component is perception – understanding other people’s behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. This is related to empathy, as you must first acknowledge there are other people involved before you can develop insight into their emotions.

How to be a good listener

Being able to listen is one of the most important skills you can develop because it allows other people to feel like they are talking to someone who cares about what they have to say.

Good listeners understand that their attention and focus should not be limited to only speaking, but also listening. They show an interest in others’ stories by asking questions and showing genuine curiosity.

They also recognize when something isn’t quite right and try to determine why things aren’t feeling quite right for the person telling them the story.

It is difficult to be a good listener if you cannot acknowledge how uncomfortable you become when you have to speak with someone who makes you feel bad or insulted you.

How to be assertive

According to Dr. Goleman, being assertive is one of the five fundamental skills that make up emotional intelligence. Being assertive means talking in a clear tone with appropriate intensity and using effective verbal and nonverbal communication strategies.

By breaking down his definition, you can see how important it is to know when to take control of your emotions and say what needs to be said. This also applies to limiting your use of hurtful words before they have a chance to spiral into an argument or conflict.

Keeping calm and emphasizing rationality are other components of this. When we lose our temper, these qualities get obscured. It’s hard to think about things rationally when we're angry or hurt.

However, having more emotional intelligence helps us deal with strong feelings in healthier ways. We're better able to regulate our own emotions and those of others.

How to be consistent

Being able to read other people is one of the most important skills you can develop because it helps you get things done. You know how some people could always make sure everyone else was doing their job, while they went about completing theirs with ease? That’s someone who has high emotional intelligence.

People with higher EQ are intuitively aware of what makes others feel good or bad and use that information to motivate them. They also recognize when something feels off and need to address it immediately to keep the situation from getting worse.

In fact, research suggests that having strong interpersonal skills may even help mitigate mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

So let’s look at five ways to strengthen your own EQ.

1. Become aware of your emotions

One of the key components of emotional intelligence is understanding your own feelings. This is particularly helpful in the workplace since so much of your career will involve interactions with individuals, groups, and/or institutions that have different agendas.

Knowing your own feelings and why you’re feeling the way you do can help you achieve your goals more effectively. For example, if you find yourself annoyed by a colleague, take a moment to think about why that happens before letting loose with an outburst.

Alternatively, try asking yourself whether what she said made you feel good or bad and see if you can identify the reasons beyond “she is too _________.

How to be honest

In his book Social Skills, author Daniel Goleman described emotional intelligence (EI) as the ability to recognize, understand, evaluate, and manage your own emotions as well as those of others. It also includes using emotion for motivation and understanding what motivates other people.

Many believe that being emotionally intelligent is an innate quality you are born with, much like having good vision or hearing. But according to Goleman, this assumption is wrong. He says it can instead be learned through practicing certain skills.

By giving yourself these practices, you will eventually become more aware and in control of your emotional abilities.

This is why he defines EI as a skill. You cannot say someone has high EI unless they show some signs of it. For example, if someone consistently shows no sign of empathy, we would not call them empathic.

So how do you learn to be more emotionally intelligent? By learning about different strategies for managing and understanding your feelings. These strategies include things such as self-reflection, relaxation techniques, and asking questions.

Practicing these exercises does not make you smart, but by doing so, you will find that you are able to relate better to others and your loved ones.

How to be courageous

Being brave is more than showing up as front in conflict. It also includes taking action in difficult situations, even when you're not sure what will happen.

Being courageous is about stepping forward into unknown territory with confidence. It's being willing to put yourself out there by sharing your ideas or opinions with others.

It can mean telling someone they make bad decisions, but that they should give it another try. It means expressing gratitude for something that may not seem significant to you, but was important to someone else.

Courage comes from within you, and if you need to learn how to be more courageous, look inside yourself for the source.

You might recognize some of these behaviors as examples of courage. For example, walking down an empty street at night is riskier than going along a well-traveled one.

Running away is usually considered cowardly, but people who run away sometimes do so because they are too afraid to face their problems.

How to be effective

People with high emotional intelligence are not always good people, nor do they all have great relationships. In fact, there is some research that suggests being too emotionally intelligent can be a curse.

When you've got a lot of empathy for someone's situation, it can actually make them feel worse because you recognize how bad their life has become due to their own shortcomings or mistakes.

That could go both ways - if someone feels overly compassionate about what they're trying to get through, they may try even harder to prove themselves wrong so that person will stop feeling sorry for them.

It also might keep them from seeking help because they don't want to appear weak or in need of assistance.

Ways to improve emotional intelligence

People with higher EQ are better able to understand, regulate, and use emotions for their own purposes and in relation to others. They also show more tolerance of and sensitivity to other people’s feelings.

Studies consistently find that high EI is related to greater success in life. For example, researchers have linked it with lower rates of depression and anxiety, as well as less substance abuse, smoking, and obesity.

Furthermore, research suggests that individuals who score highly on measures of EI are happier than those who do not.

Overall, we can say that being smart about your emotions will make you feel good about yourself and help you achieve your goals.