Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ for short) has become one of the most popular skills people have to learn. It can be categorized as another skill like reading or writing, but it goes far beyond that.

With EQ you are able to understand your own emotions and those of others more effectively. You’ll also be aware of appropriate levels of anger, sadness, frustration, and so on.

People with higher EQs tend to be happier than average. They may even make changes to help themselves be happier, such as by giving up a habit that they feel is hurting their quality of life.

There are many theories about why having high EQ is important, but no matter what theory is correct, there is one thing we know for sure – being smart about emotion comes in very handy!

Emotional literacy is an essential part of human development. We all need it to function well as individuals and members of society.

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So how do you measure your EQ? There are several ways to do this. The best way depends on who you ask and what matters to you.

In this article, we will discuss some easy ways to test your EQ and see where you stand compared to others. Then, we will talk about some things you can do to improve it. Hopefully you will find something helpful here.

Disclaimer: This article should not be used as guidance towards self-harming behaviors or practices.

Have patience

When you’re trying to improve your emotional intelligence, your first challenge is figuring out how to have more of it.

That means being able to tolerate strong emotions for a while before responding to them. It also means waiting your turn when someone else is talking about an emotionally charged topic.

By having enough empathy for others, you will eventually understand what makes people feel good or bad around you.

You’ll know why they seem happy even though they didn’t say much, and you won’t need to talk about yourself too much because they already have.

Running away never helps anyone, so try to stick with someone for longer than you would normally be comfortable doing.

Practice using silence as a tool by letting things run its course without saying anything back. That way, they’ll get the message that you’ve had enough time to think about their comment, and maybe even work through some feelings you both shared.

Blow off steam by practicing relaxation exercises, taking long walks, or working on other aspects of emotional intelligence like gratitude or mindfulness.

Make eye contact

A recent study found that making direct, meaningful eye contact with someone for at least twenty one seconds is linked to improved emotional intelligence. According to researchers, when we look directly into another person’s eyes, it can trigger feeling of connection or friendship between us.

They also say looking away often signals disengagement or avoidance. It may be because you don’t want to risk being hurt by this other person, or you don’t think they like you enough to make eye contact.

However, making no eye contact doesn’t help your emotional intelligence in the long run. It could signal feelings of fear, intimidation, or even hatred towards the other person.

Making too much eye contact can sometimes feel uncomfortable or even creepy. That’s why most people avoid it unless they are sure it is okay.

Be realistic

It’s very easy to get distracted by all of the different ways we think we know our emotional intelligence (EI).

Many people claim they have high self-awareness or control, for example. But being aware of your weaknesses is just not that interesting.

It’t really anything special unless you use it to motivate yourself to do something about them. The more important thing is how you respond in such situations – are you able to regulate your emotions, or are you letting things take over?

We also often overestimate what we perceive as other peoples’ EIs and underestimate our own. For instance, if someone says something rude to you, you may assume they were talking about you instead of them. Or maybe you believe everyone else has higher social EQ than you do because they seem better at putting others ahead of themselves.

The truth is there is no definitive way to determine true emotional intelligence. Like any skill, it can be learned and improved upon.

Share your experiences

It’s very difficult to know if you have high emotional intelligence or not unless you actually try to use it in real life. You can only truly assess yourself when you are exposed to challenging situations that require you to apply your understanding of emotions.

Certain questions can help determine whether you have solid emotional knowledge or not. The following question is an excellent one to ask yourself. Why don’t you give it a try?

How do I know my own feelings?

This article will talk more about this important topic.

Be honest with your peers

As we have seen, emotional intelligence is like any other skill—you can either have it or you can not. Just like with anything else, if you want to improve your EQ, you must practice it.

The important thing to remember about EI is that it changes across situations and people, so when trying to develop yours, don’t compare yourself to others. Instead, think about what qualities you would like to possess and work on developing those.

Your colleagues and superiors will likely notice when you show strong emotions and these will be helpful in telling whether you have high levels of empathy.

If someone has done something bad for the organization, they may feel guilty and this could make them more sensitive to how others are feeling. On the contrary, some people may feel very confident and happy even when things are going badly and this can make them less sympathetic.

Listen to others closely

As we know, emotional intelligence (or EQ as it is commonly referred to) can make a big difference in your life. You need to be able to read other people’s emotions and recognize their emotions so you can work with them or on behalf of them.

So how do you learn how to do that? By listening to others!

You have to listen actively though – not only do they have to tell you what they are feeling, but you have to give them adequate time to feel those feelings before you try to interpret them.

And don’t assume that because someone seems fine around you that they aren’t having any problems at home or work. Sometimes things take much longer to surface than outside of the office.

It may also mean that there is something about their job that requires them to put on an exterior shell, which makes it even more important to them to not show their true self.

By being aware of this, you will be better prepared to help when needed. If you’re ever in a position where you can see past the superficial layers, keep yourself informed and look out for potential warning signs.

Don’t be egotistical

Many people think that if they know how to manage their emotions then this is also an indicator of emotional intelligence, but it's not.

This theory goes wrong in two important ways. First, there are some things that we all have experienced at some time when we tried to put ourselves ahead of others and this only made matters worse.

Second, having strong self-esteem is a good thing. It can help you believe that you're worthy and don't need to feel better about yourself compared to other people.

Be humble

It’s easy to think that you have a high level of emotional intelligence (EI) when in reality, you may not.

Everyone has some degree of EI, but it can vary from person to person. Some people are more aware of their emotions than others and understand how they affect those around them, while other people seem emotionally detached or even ignorant about their feelings.

Some people may be able to identify what emotion they feel, but don’t know why it’s happening nor do they understand the consequences of its control. Others might recognize the importance of certain emotions, but lack the skills to manage them effectively.

There is no general definition for emotional intelligence, which makes it difficult to tell who really has it and who doesn’t. What we can say however, is that there is a range of normal levels and that anyone with lower self-esteem as well as poorer interpersonal relationships probably lacks emotional intelligence.

You also need to consider where your own natural strengths lie before making assumptions about someone else’s. For example, someone who is very logical could easily skip over the subconscious processes like feelingings and empathy because they process information logically and directly.

However, this article will focus on the eight major areas of emotional intelligence so that you can better understand yours and those of others.