Most people believe that intelligence is something you are born with, like your skin color or height. This is not true! Being intelligent comes from being educated and learning new things, but there is another trait that plays an even bigger part in success than intelligence: emotional literacy or understanding of how to manage your emotions.

Emotional intelligence (or EI for short) has become one of the most popular buzzwords around educational psychology. Many think it can be learned through courses and training, and some even claim that it can be measured and tested.

However, no matter what kind of rhetoric they use, none of them seem to agree on exactly what emotional intelligence is. Some say it is self-awareness while others refer to empathy as integral to the concept. Others suggest that having control over your emotions is important, whereas other’s consider it irrelevant at best and harmful at worst.

No two definitions of EQ match up with each other, which makes it difficult to compare one against the other. Also, many lack the empirical evidence to back up their claims about this so called ‘skill’.

So why all the confusion? The reason is simple: nobody really knows what emotional intelligence actually means. Just because someone uses the term doesn’t mean they have any idea what they're talking about.

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Comparing emotional intelligence to IQ

While both EQ and IQ are considered important skills, they function in different ways. With that said, many people seem to associate being more intelligent with having higher levels of empathy and understanding of other people’s emotions.

This isn’t entirely wrong, but it also creates an inaccurate perception about what emotional intelligence actually means.

Empathy is definitely part of being emotionally intelligent, but there are several other factors that make up your overall EI score. These include self-awareness, motivation, and regulation of emotion.

Self-Awareness refers to your ability to recognize your own feelings and how you affect others. This includes knowing when you’re feeling stressed, angry, or depressed and why.

Motivation refers to whether you're willing to put effort into achieving something. If you don't feel motivated to do something, then even looking at things that could potentially help you lose weight won't really matter much.

Regulation of emotion refers to being able to control your emotions so that you can respond rather than react. This takes practice, but will be very helpful in lowering your stress level and improving your relationships.

So while having high empathizing abilities is pretty cool, it's only half of the picture when it comes to defining emotional intelligence. It sounds good, but it can be misinterpreted because of the way it's measured.

Skills of emotional intelligence

One of the biggest differentiators between people with high EQ and people with low EQ is what we refer to as “emotional literacy” or “Emotional Mastery.” This looks like you know how to control your emotions when they are being influenced by something, and it looks like you are able to recognize and understand your own emotions.

You also use emotion in relation to other people and you seem to have basic empathy for others. You are aware that things affect people differently so you try to be sensitive to this and apply appropriate levels of touch and support according to their needs.

This may sound simple enough but there are many ways to hone these skills. For example, practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your feelings and motivate you to address the root cause of the feeling rather than simply suppressing or avoiding it.

Reading about successful businesspeople and listening to their stories can teach you a lot about who they were before success came along. Their story often includes lessons in emotional mastery.

Celebrities manage their image and keep themselves surrounded by only positive energy at all times, which helps them maintain an emotionally balanced life.

Factors that affect emotional intelligence

There are several factors that influence someone’s level of EQ. These include socialization, genetics, early experiences, life events, stressors, and more.

Some studies suggest that being raised in a family with little to no money or education can negatively impact your levels of empathy. This is because you might have to use self-serving motives instead.

For example, rather than trying to determine what kind of mood people are in, it may be easier to assume they are unhappy or feeling down since you made an effort to greet them when they were happy before.

Certain genes could also play a role in how well you manage your emotions. People who inherit certain genetic traits from their parents are likely to show differences in EQ compared to those who do not.

Overall, the more knowledge you have about yourself and others, the higher your EQ will be. This includes understanding your own feelings as well as other people’s.

You cannot develop emotional literacy unless you know what makes you feel different from the rest of the world, but should never make assumptions based on gender, culture, or race.

Emotional literacy is important to learn because it helps you understand the effects of negative situations and behaviors on others. It also teaches you how to effectively regulate your emotions so they don’t control you.

Ways to improve emotional intelligence

Overcoming your emotions is not the same as limiting your feelings or ignoring them. It’s about being aware of what you're feeling and understanding why you are feeling that way.

By learning how to manage your emotions, you can also increase your confidence and trust in yourself. You'll feel happier, more relaxed and focused on doing good things.

Doing things that boost your emotional intelligence

Recent research suggests that people are not born with EMQ, but rather it is something they develop throughout their lives. This means you can still have high IQs without developing strong emotions in your life.

This may be because someone else does not let you feel those feelings or you do not recognize them for what they are.

It could also be due to the fact that the person who has this talent is not using it very much of themselves.

Whatever the reason, if you want to increase your emotional intelligence, you must work on it.

You can learn how to manage your own emotions as well as identify which emotions other people are feeling and why.

Emotional self-awareness

A lot of people confuse emotional intelligence with what is often called “emotional literacy.” This looks like how well you manage your emotions, but it goes one step further to include understanding why other people might be feeling something or acting in a way that seems strange to you.

This can seem very complicated and even contradictory. For example, someone who has never been given a reward before may feel sad when they are awarded an honor. They may not understand why they should feel happy about this accomplishment.

On the other hand, someone who experiences lots of success could have trouble recognizing those around them as human beings. They may assume everyone else is just trying to get ahead like them!

There is no easy solution for emotional intelligence. But developing skills in identifying and understanding your own feelings and others’ will go a long way towards improving your mental health.

Managing your emotions

People with high EQ are not necessarily good at regulating their emotions, but they’re aware that what they're feeling is coming from them. They're able to recognize their feelings and identify why those feelings are happening.

This makes it easier for them to avoid acting or responding on emotional impulse. [They] don't get carried away by strong emotions because they know how to control themselves.

In contrast, someone who has low EI can't help but feel hurt and angry about something every time you meet them. It takes longer for these individuals to reach breaking point than people with higher EQ.

But once they do, it's very hard to recover. You've been let down by someone who says she cares about you, and now you have no idea if you should trust her future messages or not.

Her lack of self-awareness means she doesn't realize the effect she's having on others, making it harder for her to understand why people seem so upset around her.

Leadership skills to enhance emotional intelligence

As we have seen, EQ is not the same as IQ. While both are important, developing your leadership skills can boost your EQ more than just learning about emotions.

Leadership comes down to one thing: influence. You who want to lead someone else must be able to gain their trust and confidence. This includes being honest with them, understanding what makes them feel good or bad, and knowing how to use that information to get things done.

By educating yourself on different types of emotions and why people may experience them, you will know better how to motivate others.