People with high emotional intelligence are aware of how their behaviors affect those around them, and they use this knowledge to regulate their emotions and motivate others. They are also able to recognize and understand feelings that other people have, and know what can make someone feel better or worse.

People with strong EQ often get along well with others because they learn about each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work together to achieve goals. In fact, research shows that being emotionally intelligent is linked to higher job performance, engagement at work, lower employee turnover, and greater productivity.

Emotional competence is also considered an important factor in interpersonal relationships. According to psychologist Marni Hughes, “[I]f you want to be loved, just develop your empathy and your ability to relate to people — then you will find yourself lovable.

Skills to have for emotional intelligence

Being able to recognize, understand and manage your emotions is one of the most important skills you can develop. It’s also a skill that everyone has – we all have our own internal tools box full of feelings.

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It's easy to forget that at times. We get busy living our lives and avoiding things that make us feel uncomfortable or stressed out.

With more responsibilities coming our way (work, kids), it becomes even harder to find time to unwind and relax. Living with less sleep and stress makes it hard to maintain healthy relationships.

We need those breaks to restore our energy so we can keep going strong when we get back from work or school, but they're rarely given to us.

So how do you help yourself relax and re-charge? You use your emotional intelligence (EI) as a tool.

You learn how to recognize your own emotions and those of others, what causes them in the first place, and different strategies to control them. And you practice these techniques consistently.

"The better you are at recognizing and understanding your emotions, the easier it will be to deal with daily challenges and life changes," says Gary Hassenfeld, PhD, author of The Complete Guide To Managing Your Stress.

This article will talk about five key skills related to EI.

Examples of emotional intelligence

People with high levels of emotional control are able to regulate their emotions in pursuit of what they want. They are also more likely to try new things, as well as pursue goals that require them to be uncomfortable for a few minutes.

Emotion regulation is important because it helps you stay within your comfort zone, but then you’ll have to push yourself outside of it to achieve your dreams.

You can learn how to manage your own emotions and such individuals are known as having self-control.

People who have strong emotional controls are not always happy or calm all the time, but they are able to focus on the task at hand while suppressing their natural responses.

They may show less enthusiasm than someone else would for an activity, but they do not get distracted too easily. They know when to put aside personal matters and keep focused on the job.

These people are said to possess ‘emotional literacy’.

It’s worth noting that there are several different theories about what makes up emotional intelligence, so no one really defines it fully.

What we do know though is that being intelligent (or educated) does not make you feel smart, and being knowledgeable about many topics does not necessarily make you happier.

We also know that being rich doesn’t make you happier either. It just changes which feelings you experience.

Ways to improve your emotional intelligence

One of the most important things you can do to strengthen your emotional intelligence is recognize when someone else is experiencing emotions, and what those emotions are.

This is called identifying a person's emotion style. Some people feel their own emotions more intensely than others, while other people may seem emotionally stable or muted compared to how they usually show themselves.

People with strong emotional regulation skills will be able at times to suppress their feelings in order to keep calm and/or focus on other tasks. People who quickly learn to down-regulate their reactions and control their anger typically stay out of trouble.

Other individuals get overly excited about little things which could otherwise make anyone else unhappy. This is a quality some people have and others don't.

It's like having a strength that makes you good at putting off going after what you want until you're really hungry for it. Or having a talent for practicing self-control.

Key points

Developing your emotional intelligence (EI) is a process that requires you to recognize what skills you have now, and how to improve them. It’s like having a set of tools in your toolbox — better ones every year as you use them.

You get some basic fundamentals when you are young, but it takes work to hone your skill level. The same goes for EI.

There aren’t any quick fixes or courses that teach everything you need to know about EQ. You grow your EQ by practicing and developing yourself consistently over time.

It may be helpful to think about this concept using a ladder. Just like with other skills such as running or playing a instrument, there’s no way to fully develop your EQ unless and until you actively work on it.

But while practicing your EQ isn’t something that happens overnight, you can pick up certain qualities through self-awareness and understanding of others. This is referred to as recognizing your strengths and weaknesses respectively.

By doing so, you begin to learn how to apply your EQ to new situations and individuals. ____________

Take a look at the ladder above. As you can see, even though all people don’t have the same amount of strength in the same areas, we all have enough strength to identify our own emotions and those of others.

This is known as emotion recognition.

Do I have enough of this skill?

Most people believe that being emotionally intelligent means you are good at recognizing emotions in others and understanding what makes other individuals feel happy, sad or motivated.

However, there is another major component of emotional intelligence – how well you regulate your own emotions. It’s not about whether you can recognize someone else’s feelings, it’s about knowing when to use those recognized emotions to help yourself be happier or less stressed out.

This kind of regulation comes more naturally to some people than others. Some people are just wired to be more socially aware and therefore tend to pay attention to other people’s moods and behaviors. Others may find that they need to take extra time to work on regulating their own emotions before they can relate to others’.

Getting more emotional intelligence

Most people have some degree of what we refer to as “emotional literacy” or “intra-personal skills”. You know how to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions.

You are probably also aware that most cultures believe there is an element of ‘spiritual’ quality in this ability. That is, being able to control your emotions is connected to who you are as a person and part of what makes life meaningful.

However, research suggests that many individuals lack the second major component of emotional intelligence: inter-personality skills.

These are our abilities to read, interpret, and respond to the emotions of other people – not just our own, but also those of others at a very basic level (e.g., whether they seem happy/sad, angry/calm).

Most adults, for example, tend to think that only certain types of emotions are ‘normal’ or even desirable (such as happiness), while ignoring or suppressing others (such as sadness or anger). Some feel that it is their job to keep calm and put other people’s feelings first, regardless of how they themselves might be feeling.

Tools for emotional intelligence

Recent developments in emotional literacy focus not only on having strong emotions, but also using them effectively. These tools include traits such as empathy, self-awareness, motivation, and leadership.

Many experts believe that we all have some degree of emotional intelligence (EI). Some people may be more proficient at certain skills related to emotion, while others may lack them altogether.

Some research suggests that genetics play a role in someone’s overall level of EI. However, most psychologists agree that early development, socialization, and life experiences are much better predictors than nature or nurture.

Older adults typically show lower levels of emotional understanding, which is why it is important to teach young children about emotions. As they grow older, these individuals can develop their emotional competence.

There are many theories about what makes up emotional intelligence, but no one definitive definition. What does matter though, is that there is some sort of skill involved in identifying and managing your own feelings and those of other people.

Practice makes perfect

Developing your emotional intelligence is not something that happens overnight, nor does it happen in singular settings. It takes repetition, practice, and effort to grow your EQ skills. You can’t expect to show an amount of empathy one day and hope people feel comfortable around you, but if you work at it every day, then eventually you will reach that goal.

Some experts believe there are twenty core competencies under the EQ banner, with most individuals having five or six very close to perfection. By this theory, our personal effectiveness depends mostly on how well we utilize those few strengths along with some additional ones we develop through repeated exposure.

This viewpoint has become increasingly popular as studies continue to prove the importance of understanding and managing emotions in both career and life areas. While developing these abilities is certainly helpful, it isn’t necessarily easy.

Making progress requires us to be aware of what is eliciting strong feelings in us and learn ways to reduce those negative reactions while also enhancing positive ones. This is where many get stuck, however.

It is very common for someone who wants to improve their EQ to spend time trying to identify and understand their own emotions, but staying awake during times when they might normally experience them is often the biggest challenge.

When someone else’s emotion impacts you, their behavior may shift due to your lack of knowledge regarding theirs.