Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular topics across various disciplines. It is typically defined as the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others, use reasoning to understand these emotions, and apply this knowledge to motivate yourself and other people.

Some experts believe that we all have some degree of EI, but it can be improved through training and practice. Others think that being emotionally intelligent is something you are either born with or not, like having perfect vision or not.

Although there isn’t an agreed-upon definition for emotional intelligence, research does show that individuals who score higher on measures of emotional quotient are more likely to succeed in life than ones that do not. They are also less prone to experiencing mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.

This article will focus on ways to improve your emotional intelligence by doing things such as practicing mindfulness, developing relationships, and understanding your strengths and weaknesses. However, before you start working on becoming more aware of your feelings, make sure you know what types of emotions are helpful and which ones are not.

Understand the difference between positive and negative emotion

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Just because someone else seems happy doesn’t mean that they are feeling well-balanced.

Have patience

Sometimes we get so focused on wanting something to change that we don’t give people time to understand why it is hard for us to make changes.

We become very impatient when things take longer than expected, but this isn’t the right way to be.

It can hurt our relationships as well as hinder our personal growth.

Research has shown that it takes an average of six to eight weeks to develop new habits, so giving yourself that much time to see results will help you feel more successful.

If there are issues that need to be worked on then do not force anyone else to deal with them until you have given yourself enough time to do so.

However, do not remain stagnant by staying in bed every morning or spending your life waiting for others to show some empathy and understanding.

Take steps towards changing how you respond to situations and learn how to manage your emotions.

Make eye contact

Making direct eye contact with someone is one of the most powerful ways to establish emotional connection. When you look people in the eyes, you show them that you care about them and that you trust they will do the same for you.

When we are not making adequate eye contact, it can sometimes make us feel nervous or even scared. If this happens to you, try looking at your feet or lower than the other person’s face until you feel more comfortable.

Direct eye contact does not necessarily mean sticking your nose up like a dog sensing a threat but rather just being aware of each other and how emotions are displayed.

It also means keeping conversations fluid and changing topics if necessary because things may get weird or uncomfortable quickly.

Generalists say that establishing eye contact helps create intimacy, connect people, and help build relationships, so why wouldn’t you want to have some of those?

Running through all the different types of EI theories, there are five main factors that make up what we call emotional intelligence (or EQ). One of these is related to eye contact, which we will discuss here.

Be realistic

A lot of theories about emotional intelligence focus too much on having strong emotions, which is great for someone who already has them under control. But what if you don’t? What if you feel nervous all the time or get angry very easily?

Some theorists suggest that being aware of your feelings takes away the need to feel those things. So instead of feeling anxious when you walk into an unfamiliar room, you could recognize that you felt uncomfortable before and learn from it.

Alternatively, some theories emphasize using cognitive strategies to reduce negative emotion. This can mean thinking about why something made you feel bad, finding reasons why you shouldn’t take action, or telling yourself “I should not be feeling this way because I have other things going my way.”

Both of these concepts assume that people will eventually find ways to regulate their own emotions. That may not always be the case though- research suggests that there are certain types of individuals whose emotions seem to run more deeply than others’.

However, just like with any skill, you can still do your best even if you never fully mastered EQ.

Emotions are a part of our everyday lives so trying to understand how they work can help you cope with difficult situations and motivate you to do things you would otherwise consider impossible.

Running through each step of the process might take practice but anyone can do it, even if you think you don’t have much EMQ.

Share your experiences

Developing your emotional intelligence takes practice, but you can improve your skills by sharing your experiences with others.

Everyone has different levels of emotional intelligence so it is important to recognize that not everyone will understand what you are going through. This could make them feel uncomfortable or even hurt your feelings, which would only add to their stress level.

It’s best to be honest and open about how you're feeling rather than pretend like everything's fine.

By being aware of your emotions you'll be able to better regulate them and avoid acting on impulse. Also, talking about your problems can help bring solutions or at least momentary relief.

When someone shows an understanding emotion we often feel connected and/or reassured. It may motivate us to do things we otherwise wouldn't have because we believe they share something significant with us.

So instead of keeping these experiences to yourself, let people know when you're upset or stressed.

Be honest with your peers

Sometimes, when you’re trying to help someone else deal with a problem, they may not want your help. They might even make fun of you for offering it. This can be difficult to bear, but you must remember that their behavior does not show them as a good person.

By this logic, then, they are clearly not acting like a good person. If they made you feel bad for attempting to assist them, then they did not appreciate your attempts to do so.

This is why it is important to be honest during these times. You cannot assume anything about who this person really is behind their actions.

If you try to talk to them and they call you crazy or say things like “I don’t need your advice,” then walk away!

That was a sign that they no longer value your time and effort. Do not invest energy in something that has stopped being valuable to you.

Listen to others closely

Another way to use your EQ is by paying attention to what other people are saying and doing. You can learn a lot about someone or something by how they talk about them.

By listening carefully, you’ll also understand why they behave the way they do and if their behavior makes sense to you.

If it doesn’t, try not to take things too personally. It could be because they didn’t grow up with much money, so they don’t know how to say “thank you” properly.

It could be because they weren’t asked for help very often as a child, so they don’t know how to ask for it.

It could be because they were never taught how to appreciate what they have, so they don’t know how to enjoy life.

All of these traits are qualities that come under the umbrella term emotional intelligence (or EI). They’re important to develop, whether you’re talking about yourself or other people.

Don’t be egotistical

In recent years, emotional intelligence (or EQ for short) has become one of the most popular skills people are teaching others. People who have mastered this talent go beyond just understanding other people’s emotions; they understand their own feelings and can use that knowledge to relate to and help other people feel better.

Research shows that having high levels of empathy is related to higher job satisfaction, lower employee turnover, improved relationships with colleagues and superiors, and even increased productivity.

While it may sound cliché, “empathy is key” when trying to connect with or influence someone else. Fortunately, you don’t need to be like Tony Robbins to develop your empathy!

You can improve your level of empathy by practicing mentalizing — understanding what motivates individuals through observation and inference. This includes thinking about how things affect other people and why they behave as they do.

It also means considering yourself from their perspective and figuring out how you would respond if the situation was identical to theirs.

When we apply our empathy to ourselves, we recognize that we are not perfect and make mistakes sometimes due to personal bias or internalized stereotypes and prejudices. We learn from these experiences and strive to be more open-minded and unbiased.

Be humble

Humility is one of the most important traits to have if you want to apply emotional intelligence in your life. This is not referring to being less confident or thinking that you are lower than other people, but instead looking at yourself as someone who has limitations like everyone else does.

There’s an infinite number of things that we don’t know, which makes it impossible for us to be perfect. No one is completely sure what will make an airplane take off, so why would you assume that you know how to relate to others?

By acknowledging our own weaknesses, we open up space for opportunities to learn from others. We may also realize that some aspects of ourselves aren’t working and can be changed.

Your self-esteem doesn’t depend only on you, it depends on both you and your perception of others. When they praise you, you feel good about yourself; when they criticize you, you feel bad about yourself. So, whether you think you’re smart or not, how you perceive yourself matters.

Running away from my shortcomings removes the barrier that I put between myself and others. By acknowledging that I do not know everything, I free up my mind to wonder and explore new concepts and ideas.