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What is emotional intelligence (EI)? Emotional intelligence (or EI for short) was first defined in Daniel Goleman’s bestseller, “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Make A Difference In Your Life” back in 1995. Since then, it has become one of the most popular concepts in psychology. Since then, many different definitions have been proposed, but all […]
What is emotional intelligence (EI)?
Emotional intelligence (or EI for short) was first defined in Daniel Goleman’s bestseller, “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Make A Difference In Your Life” back in 1995. Since then, it has become one of the most popular concepts in psychology.
Since then, many different definitions have been proposed, but all agree that individuals with high levels of emotional intelligence are better able than others to recognize their own emotions and those of other people, to describe them, and to use these insights to motivate themselves and others.
They also believe that emotionally intelligent people show more empathy and sympathy, are less likely to be motivated by anger or hostility, and tend to regulate their emotions more effectively than others.
Some even claim that having higher EQ makes you happier!
So how do you develop your emotional intelligence? While there isn’t any particular course that will make you feel smarter, reading about theories and practices related to this skill can certainly help.
That’s why today we’re going to talk about five easy ways to assess your emotional intelligence.
1. Use the B-List as a test
The next time you’re trying to remember something you had to do last week, take a break and assess your level of emotional intelligence.
A lot of people get stuck trying to assess emotional intelligence because they don’t know what to look for when assessing someone’s level of empathy.
They may also not understand how different cultural contexts influence how others perceive emotions. This makes it hard to determine whether something is an example of low or high empathic ability, especially if you aren’t sure which cultures individuals are from.
When looking at someone’s behaviors, remember that we all have strengths and weaknesses. Some people may be good at showing emotion but lack the skill in understanding it so they never learn anything about other people’s feelings. Or maybe they use their strong sense of intuition to assume things about other people and then come up with false conclusions.
Either way, these strategies won’t teach them anything meaningful about human nature.
A large part of emotional intelligence is making proper eye contact. When you look at someone, you are telling them something about yourself and how you feel about what they said or did.
If you don’t think so, then try it for one minute. Look into a person’s eyes and see if there is any kind of response. There shouldn’t be anything beyond that — no blush, no drop in blood pressure, nothing! Only their gaze should do anything.
That means when you make direct eye contact with someone, they will probably notice it and maybe even get some sort of reaction. It doesn’t matter who the other person is, what they say, or whether you like them or not – developing your emotional intelligence takes work.
But knowing how to use eye contact as a tool to assess emotional quotient (EQ) isn’t just for adults – little kids know how to do it. They learn how to read others by looking them in the face and listening to how they respond.
A lot of people get bogged down in assessing emotional intelligence (EI) by looking at things like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or The EQ Test. Both of these tests ask you about your relationships, how you feel about different situations, etc., but they do not include any sort of formal test for self-awareness.
This is an important component of EI because without it someone with very high levels of empathy could seem like they’re not aware of what goes on inside their own mind.
Self-awareness is knowing that there are some thoughts and feelings you cannot hide from yourself. This can be difficult when emotions run strong, but learning how to recognize them and what they mean helps mitigate their negative effects.
There are many ways to assess self-awareness. Some of the most common ones include asking about past experiences, if someone is able to identify their moods, and whether they talk about themselves. All three of those questions don’t have hard and fast rules so there isn’t one way to answer them that everyone agrees upon. What matters more than the specific question is if the person you’re talking to seems conscious and aware of everything around them.
If they appear distracted sometimes then chances are they aren’t doing a good job of being aware of what’s going on within them.
Ask yourself how you would respond in situations that are similar to those of others, and then do it! Compare what you said with how you typically would have responded, and see which one made you feel better.
This is an excellent way to test your emotional intelligence. By doing this, you will also be able to tell if someone has high emotional intelligence or not by their behavior.
People who have higher EQ tend to understand other people’s emotions more easily and use them as a tool to help you relate to each other. They may even learn something from your reactions because they want to know the same things you do — and therefore can apply their knowledge to you.
Your own feelings and thoughts are important, but knowing about empathy is just as valuable.
As mentioned earlier, one of the biggest issues that people struggle with when it comes to emotional intelligence is how to be honest with others.
This can sometimes feel like a very difficult task to accomplish. After all, we typically learn how to relate to other people as children, so chances are if you’re having trouble being honest with someone else, then something about how you were raised isn’t working.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry! There are some simple ways to improve your level of emotional intelligence.
You can try talking to more people –- not just friends, but colleagues, family members, and even total strangers. This will help you recognize what types of behaviors are productive for relationships, and you’ll probably notice things coming easier for you.
One of the most important things you can do to assess your emotional intelligence is to pay close attention to what other people are saying and doing.
People with high EQ understand that when someone else is talking, they’re not only listening to what they say, but also how they say it and whether their tone is friendly or hostile.
They know if something makes them feel bad about themselves, then it’s probably not a good idea to agree with that thing or person.
On the other hand, if something makes them feel happy, then it’s likely they’ll want to join in and celebrate that thing.
You can learn a lot from watching how people interact with each other and understanding why they behave like they do.
A lot of people who refer to their ‘emotional intelligence’ as a skill are actually being very self-focused. They believe that by using certain techniques, they can control how they feel and use those feelings for their own personal gain.
This is definitely not an effective way to develop your emotional intelligence.
Your emotional intelligence is only as strong as your ability to recognize and manage your emotions — not just yours, but others’ too.
By focusing only on yourself, you could miss important signals about what other people need or don’t need.
If someone else is crying, it may be because they lost a loved one and they will probably need some time to recover before they can deal with that loss. If this is something you can afford to give them, do it.
A lot of people have a hard time assessing their own emotional intelligence (EI). They believe that because they feel emotions, then they must have strong EI. This isn’t true!
Some people seem to carry around a really powerful sense of self-esteem which makes them think that everything is just fine and they are the best thing since sliced bread.
This false sense of self-confidence can actually hinder your ability to develop real emotional intelligence. Because you don’t recognize your inefficiencies or shortcomings, you deny there is anything you could possibly learn about yourself.
You also lose out on the opportunity to improve your emotional skills because you never challenge yourself by trying something new.
Humble individuals aren’t too proud of themselves so they’re less likely to spend time studying how they could be better at reading other people’s emotions or noticing their own feelings more clearly.
Conversely, people who feel that they know it all tend to become very arrogant and irritable. They may even hurt others‘ feelings as an indirect way of proving how intelligent they are.
Held up like this, high levels of emotional intelligence can turn into a deadly flaw.
