How To Be Good At Emotional Intelligence
Success Quarterly is a tech and business blog that focuses on the intersection of Silicon Valley and Hollywood, including technology, business, mobile, entertainment, media, and related topics.
Being able to recognize, understand and control your emotions is one of the most important skills you can develop because it impacts every area of your life.
Many experts say that we are now in an era where emotional intelligence (or EQ) is more highly valued than IQ. Why? Because while intellect or smarts are great qualities, being intelligent isn’t necessarily helpful when your feelings get the best of you.
In fact, some studies suggest that people who have higher levels of EQ actually use their brains less efficiently than individuals with lower EQ scores.
So how do you become someone who has solid emotional regulation skills?
Here are five easy ways to strengthen your ability to manage your emotions. You will also find this article very interesting! Read on for more details.
1. Become aware of your emotions
This is probably one of the first things anyone would tell you about developing your emotional quotient. But before you can work on managing and understanding your own emotions, you need to be conscious of what they are.
It’s like trying to bake a cake without knowing whether there is enough milk in the mixture!
By becoming aware of your emotions, you’ll know exactly what you're feeling and why. This will help you to better regulate them and avoid acting on impulse.
You may also want to try exploring the reasons behind certain emotions so you don't feel uncomfortable when you've got something inside you.
When someone does something that makes you feel bad, it is important to have enough patience to let them know they hurt you and try to fix the situation.
This is especially true if their actions are repeated or occur very frequently.
By having patience with people when they make mistakes or say things that may not be great, you will show them that there is a lot of potential for growth in them.
You can hope to inspire this growth by creating opportunities for them to do good things and improve themselves.
If their weaknesses come from lack of experience, offer your help and teach them how to overcome those obstacles.
If their weakness comes from poor self-confidence, invest in them and create opportunities for success so that they feel better about themselves.
There is an opposite side to being too quick to get upset over what someone says or does. Take a moment to relax before responding to avoid coming off as less calm and controlled than them.
Make eye contact
Making direct, meaningful connections with others is one of the most fundamental ways to be happier. When we avoid looking people in their eyes, we sometimes subconsciously don’t trust them or feel that they might not like us, which makes us go out of our way to show how much we care.
But missing out on important non-verbal cues can actually hurt your emotional intelligence. According to research, when you lack empathy, it helps contribute to mental health issues such as narcissism and psychopathy.
Narcissists are known for thinking very highly of themselves and being overly focused on their own success, while psychopaths are characterized by a lack of remorse and sympathy for other people. Both types of individuals may seem outwardly pleasant, but they're lacking in true compassion.
Eye contact is a powerful tool for fostering relationships and understanding other people, so if you struggle to make eye contact, try doing something that feels natural to you. Perhaps look away because you find someone too attractive, or perhaps you just never learned how to make proper eye contact.
Whatever the reason, learning how to make appropriate eye contacts will help you be more aware of other people's emotions and connect more deeply with them.
A lot of what is termed as ‘emotional intelligence’ is actually just plain old-fashioned compassion. Having empathy for other people, being willing to admit when you are wrong or bad – things that most people have but few apply in real life -- these qualities are seen as important parts of emotional intelligence.
Some theories about EQ suggest that having more emotional intelligence will make you happier. This theory seems dangerously close to saying that being happy is dependent on your level of self-awareness and control of emotions!
There's no good reason to believe this is true, however. Being aware of your own feelings and using strategies to manage them doesn't guarantee happiness, nor do they work better than simply ignoring your thoughts and impulses and acting on only logical conclusions.
Share your experiences
Being able to identify and understand your emotions is an important part of being emotionally intelligent. However, there are two things that most people struggle with when it comes to emotional understanding.
First, you have to be aware of what you're feeling before you can describe how you feel. More often than not, we keep ourselves distracted by something or someone else so we don't recognize our own feelings.
Second, once you've identified a mood or emotion, you need to be able to describe it correctly. Some words may sound good, but they could be wrong. For example, using the word angry to describe your mood doesn't make you feel any better.
On the other hand, if you use the word happy, this might just distract you from the true cause of your distress. It's best to use descriptors such as frustrated, irritated, stressed, or depressed instead.
Be honest with your peers
As mentioned before, one of the important things that emotional intelligence tests measure is how well you recognize and manage your emotions. However, some people may try to avoid acknowledging their own feelings for various reasons.
This can sometimes make it difficult for others to relate to you because they don’t know what you are feeling inside. They might even feel like they have to protect you by not telling you anything so that you do not overreact or become too upset.
It is very important that you learn how to be more open about your feelings as this will help you in many ways. When other people are aware of your feelings, they can better understand you and vice versa. This will also give them the opportunity to show their own feelings and understanding you more clearly.
You should never keep secrets from friends or family unless there is a good reason for it. If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, then you need to be able to deal with anyone, and being able to identify your own feelings is a starting place.
Listen to others closely
One of the biggest things that people with high emotional intelligence do is listen to what other people are saying and how they are talking about you.
They will pay close attention to what tone they use, how they say things, and whether there are indications of stress or anger.
By doing this, they can get a good sense of what areas of the relationship may be going downhill and if it’s time to move on.
It also helps them understand why someone else may have done something or said something.
If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, try learning how to listen better.
Don’t be egotistical
One of the biggest reasons why people struggle with emotional intelligence is because they are too focused on themselves. It is very easy to get wrapped up in your own success, or maybe you feel like you didn’t do enough today, so you start thinking about all the things you could have done better.
This can turn into an endless stream of self-criticism that only makes you more nervous and stressed out.
You may also find yourself comparing yourself to others who seem happier than you are. This can make you even more depressed since you think you should already be happy and successful like them!
All this mind chatter can easily distract you from what you need to be doing. it can undermine your confidence and push away potential allies and supporters.
If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, try not to focus on how bad you are, or how much you don’t know. Instead, acknowledge and appreciate your strengths and experiences.
Think about times when you had succeeded before and learn from those lessons. Also, remember that everyone feels emotions differently, so don’t compare your feelings to someone else’s whose situation is totally different from yours.
We’ve discussed how important it is to have emotional literacy, or knowledge of your emotions. But there is another very important quality that goes along with this – humility.
Emotionally intelligent people recognize their own limitations and are willing to learn from others. They don’t assume they know everything about something just because they learned what was covered in school.
This doesn’t mean you should feel like you’re never going to be smart enough or good enough, but you must acknowledge your lack of expertise in certain areas. You need to realize that even the most emotionally intelligent people were not always so.
It can be hard to believe when someone calls you out for something, even if you think you’re right. This may make you feel uncomfortable, but it also gives you an opportunity to reflect and evaluate whether these things are worth sticking around for.
If you want to keep yourself as well-adjusted as possible, then look into ways to improve your emotional intelligence.