People often talk about emotional intelligence (EI) as if it is a skill that you are either have or you don’t, like knowing how to play the guitar or speak Spanish. This perspective can create an uncomfortable atmosphere for people who feel that they aren’t “good” at emotions.

Instead of thinking about emotion as something we should be proficient in, we need to think about it more accurately as a quality that everyone has. We all have this quality to some degree, but some people use it more effectively than others do.

This could be due to situational factors, such as learning how to manage your own feelings during a crisis, or personal attributes, like whether or not you tend to take things seriously.

However, no matter what qualities you have inherited, you can still improve your emotional skills – even if you already consider yourself to be very emotionally intelligent. You can also learn new ways to apply your strengths to better understand and regulate your emotions.

Emotional competencies include concepts such as empathy, self-awareness, and motivation. While most studies focus only on one particular concept, it is best to assess all three to get a full picture of someone’s emotional abilities.

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In this article, I will discuss my top five strategies for improving your emotional competence. Some of these ideas may seem simple, but they can make a big difference when applied consistently.

Have patience

When someone does something that makes you feel bad, it is important to have enough patience to give them a chance to get things back into balance. This could be staying in for too long after someone upset you, calling up a person who left you feeling hurt, or giving someone else a chance to calm down before interacting with them.

This also applies when someone does something good for them- let their current state of mind push them towards doing what they wanted to do earlier, rather than trying to drag them into your own frame of thinking.

Emotions are a natural part of life, and we should accept them as such. Learning how to control your emotions takes practice, but if you want to improve your emotional intelligence then this must be done.

You will never reach full EI potential if you cannot manage your own feelings, and learning how to deal with others’ can only help you.

Make eye contact

A large part of emotional intelligence is making direct eye contact with people. When you look people in their eyes, they will feel seen and understood. They will also feel more connected to you!
Making direct eye contact helps to show that you are paying attention to them and understanding who they are. It also shows respect for them – something we should all want from our fellow humans.

When you lack emotional intelligence, it can be difficult to make direct eye contact. This may be because you do not know what to say or you do not understand other’s emotions.

If you struggle to make eye contact, try talking about neutral topics like sports or music. Or ask someone about themselves or give your own opinion.

Your peers or colleagues can help you gain some emotional intelligence by educating you about how others process information and feelings.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just important in work and life, it is crucial in relationships. Without it, you will remain very isolated and unhappy.

Be realistic

A lot of theories about emotional intelligence focus too much on having strong emotions, which is only part of being emotionally intelligent. You also have to be able to control your emotions in the moment and use those feelings to make smart decisions.

Emotions can help you get through difficult times, but only if they’re used for good. So, it makes sense that some people feel that being labeled as “emotionally intelligent” is something people with no self-control are awarded for.

This isn’t true! People who show little emotion when faced with bad situations may not be using their emotions to aid in decision making. They could just be pretty stuck in neutral all the time.

If this sounds like you, here are some tips to try. First, acknowledge what you're feeling so you know how to deal with it. Then, take a few minutes to think about the situation and see whether there's anything you can do or anyone you can talk to about it. If nothing feels better, then go ahead and give yourself a nice warm bath or hit the bed — whatever works best for you.

Once you've calmed down, you can reevaluate what you were doing and decide if you need to change things to help you feel more relaxed or happier.

Share your experiences

Being able to identify and understand your own emotions is an important part of being healthy in relationships. When you are aware of your feelings, you are more likely to avoid things that make you feel bad by stepping back and considering whether it’s worth it. You can also recognize other people’s emotions and what may be causing them so you can help them address their issues.

It’s easy to think that everyone else feels the same way I do, which only adds to all the stress in my life. By putting yourself into other people’s shoes, you will have much better understanding of why they act the way they do and if there is anything you can do to change that.

If you find that you're not quite sure how you should react to something, take some time to think about what might make you feel better or worse before acting. It's possible that someone didn't say everything they wanted to tell you and you got the wrong impression of who they are.

By trying to put yourself in another person's position, you'll know when you've hit a wall and need to rethink certain strategies.

Be honest with your peers

It is very important that you be open about your emotions when talking to people. When someone does something that makes you feel bad, acknowledge this feeling and try to understand it before moving forward.

If they do not agree with you then ask them why! Sometimes their response may hurt your feelings but there will always be a reason for what they did.

By being able to recognize and accept these reasons, you will know how to control your own emotions and help them learn how to manage theirs.

It also helps them look into the source of their emotions so next time they are faced with a situation like that, they can prepare themselves.

Emotions connect us as humans and helping others deal with their emotions can only make them more connected to yourself and those around them.

Listen to others closely

One of the biggest things that people don’t understand about emotional intelligence is that it doesn’t just apply to other individuals, but also applies to how you interact with yourself.

In fact, there are some experts who believe that EQ isn’t even an individual skill, but rather something we are born with or aren’t born with. Either way, they agree that whether you have low levels of emotional intelligence or high ones, your internal experiences affect how you relate to everyone else around you.

So why should you care? Because being able to recognize and manage your emotions makes you more productive in the workplace and helps you achieve your personal goals.

You may not know what someone else is feeling, but if you could read their body language, determine if they seem happy, sad, angry or stressed, you would probably know.

And listening to someone’s tone of voice can tell you a lot as well – for example, if they sound depressed, then chances are they are!

When you do these things, you’re practicing active empathy, which means understanding and putting yourself in another person’s shoes so that you can relate to them.

This will help you be a better coworker, friend, parent, sibling, student, partner – anyone can show emotion, and those with higher EQ can identify it when they see it.

Don’t be egotistical

Being able to identify your emotions is an important part of being able to manage your emotional responses. However, over-identifying with your own feelings can sometimes make them seem even more powerful than they really are.

This can actually have the opposite effect and make you feel even worse about yourself and your performance. This article will talk more in depth about how this works and what you can do to avoid it.

It may also help you to remember that everyone experiences emotions differently, so there is no right or wrong way to respond to something.

Be humble

As mentioned earlier, one of the biggest reasons why people struggle with emotional intelligence is because they believe that they are not able to change how they respond to situations. This can be due to a lack of self-knowledge or underestimation of their own abilities.

When you think about it, being aware of your emotions and what makes you feel different sorts of feelings is really important.

If you don’t know what makes you feel angry then it can snowball into bigger problems. For example, if you never learned how to express yourself then you will often get pushed aside as someone who doesn’t seem like they care.

On the other hand, if you always overreact in certain ways then people won’t trust you and may even avoid you because they do not want to be hurt by you.

With emotional intelligence, there is no such thing as too much knowledge. You could have all the tools in the world and still be unaware of some things. That would definitely hinder your ability to relate to others and love life.

However, having low levels of emotional literacy can sometimes make you appear very arrogant or conceited. People might perceive you as someone who thinks he is better than everyone else which is clearly not the case.

Emotional literacy can also lead to false hope. If you believe that you are not capable of changing how you react to things then you will not try hard enough to do so.