How To Deal With A Spouse With Low Emotional Intelligence
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Recent research suggests that there are actually six key qualities in someone’s emotional intelligence (EI).1 Rather than having a high level of empathy, being able to read and understand emotions can be impaired by your lack of understanding their role in relationships.
In fact, some experts suggest that people with lower EI have an inability to put yourself in another person's shoes and instead focus more on how you feel about them.2 This may help explain why so many people struggle to maintain healthy romantic relationships.
If this sounds like you, it is important to realize that there is something you can do about it! Fortunately, there are things you can do to improve your own emotional intelligence — and most importantly, learn how to boost those skills for better relationship health.
You deserve to enjoy this journey together, so here are all the tips we've gathered for you.
Try not to get angry
Anger is a natural human emotion that we experience when we feel threatened or put in place, but it can become too powerful if you let it.
When your spouse goes off about something stupid they did weeks ago, try not to get angry. It will only make the situation worse!
Instead of getting more irritated by their behavior, think about what might be going on inside his or her head.
You may find that this anger is coming from fear – either of losing control, fear of being rejected, or maybe even fear of self-revelation.
This could be because they don’t want to tell you how their day was or because they are afraid you won’t love them anymore once you know some ugly secrets.
Whatever the source of their fury, remember that none of these things are okay.
They are indeed scary for them and therefore worth looking into, but trying to ignore them or reason with them will only make the situation last and get much uglier.
If there is one thing you should never do as a parent, it’s to give up. No matter what, keep showing unconditional love for each other and work on becoming friends again.
That way you’ll at least have each other during difficult times, and hopefully eventually move past this stage in your relationship.
Look for the humor in situations
Finding the funny in a situation can be difficult when your spouse is not making sense or showing clear emotions.
This could be anything from normal things, like arguing about money, to more serious issues that require action.
But if you cannot laugh at yourself or them, then it may be time to look into counseling or other professional help.
You want to make sure their emotional health is always a top priority before trying to work on the relationship.
Consistency is one of the biggest keys to success in relationships, including with spouses with low emotional intelligence. This can be difficult when your spouse doesn’t seem to want what you offer.
They may feel that you don’t understand them or appreciate how hard they work. They might feel hurt by things you say or do.
But if you are consistently kind, thoughtful, and understanding, they will eventually get tired of being loved more poorly than before.
Consistently good times make it easier for them to keep up their own self-esteem and help them realize that you probably would not ask so much of them if you didn’t value them.
It also helps remind them just how valuable they are to you and everyone else around you. — Relationship Tips from A–Z
This article will talk about some ways to handle a narcissist (someone with very little empathy) in your life. But remember this important rule: never assume anything!
Do not expect someone who has proven themselves time and time again to have normal levels of empathy.
Narcissists often develop other skills to compensate for lack of empathy – like hiding their feelings, acting tough, etc.
If you ever find yourself in a situation with a narcissistic person, here are some tips to try.
It is important to be aware of your partner’s needs, but only if they ask for them directly and clearly. If you notice signs that suggest something is wrong or things are not okay, it is your job to address those issues.
It can also help to acknowledge their good qualities before addressing the underlying issue. This way, they may feel more comfortable in yourself, which could facilitate communication.
However, do not make assumptions about what changes you should make or how your relationship will change unless asked. Only address these things when they are clear and open.
If you are able to identify one or two causes of this low EI, then you can work on those first. For example, if your partner is very busy, offer to do some of the housework or take over some responsibilities so that they have time to relax.
Alternatively, try talking about meaningful life topics like relationships or career goals to see if there is any growth in interest or understanding.
Look for the source of their anger
Sometimes, even if your significant other is not overtly hostile towards you, they can be very angry or upset about something without knowing why.
This may seem like an easy thing to fix, but it can actually be quite difficult.
If you are able to identify what is causing them to get angry, then you will know how to avoid making them angrier. However, this takes more than just having good guesses as to the cause.
You have to ask them!
It is important that you bring up the subject and find out what is making them feel hurt or annoyed. This could be anything from asking who paid for dinner last night, to telling them that they look fat in their clothes.
The reason that these things make them mad is because they do not like being questioned or challenged in any way. They would rather be left alone to enjoy themselves than have a discussion with you.
Ask for what you want
A lot of people think that being in control means never asking anyone else anything. It doesn’t! Being in control actually means asking for what you want, and if they can’t give it to you, then moving on.
Being in control also means not taking things personally. If your spouse does something that makes you feel bad or angry, don’t take it too seriously. They didn’t mean to do that; they were just trying to be hard like you.
And finally, being in control means realizing that you are not always right. Even when you think you are, there is usually someone who knows more about a situation than you do.
If you try to win an argument by making assumptions and generalizations about how other people are, you will lose every time. Never assume anything about someone else unless you have verified information- we all say things at times.
Even if your significant other is showing signs of low EI, stay calm and levelheaded.
You are their partner, not theirs! This will take a lot more work, but in the long run it will be worth it.
They will feel pressured into changing their behaviors when they recognize that you have zero tolerance for this kind of behavior.
If you ever find yourself in a situation where your relationship has become completely impossible to survive, then you must ask for help.
This could mean seeking counseling or asking family members to watch your kids so you can go through a breakup.
However, don’t wait until you think things have gone as far as possible before addressing these issues.
Look for the root of the problem
A lot of times, if you are trying to fix something with your spouse, it is because there is already a significant issue at play.
If you are having trouble in bed, that may be due to physical issues like health or sex positions not working well for you.
Or maybe you’re just not interested anymore, which could be related to emotional issues such as resentment towards each other, fear, or frustration.
It can also be caused by things outside the bedroom, such as going through difficult life changes or conflicts over responsibilities.
So before jumping into fixes, try talking about the problem more seriously. See what factors might be contributing to this situation and address those first.