How To Deal With Someone With Low Emotional Intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ for short) has become one of the most popular psychology theories. In fact, there are now many different programs that teach you as a person how to improve your own EQ.

Most people agree that being able to understand and relate to other people is an important quality in humans. We spend lots of time thinking about what things will appeal to someone else’s personality, and we learn how to read non-verbal cues to get a sense of what emotions another individual might be feeling.

However, some people seem to have trouble doing these thing because they don’t know what to make of those feelings. They may not recognize them or could be very easily distracted by whatever caused that emotion to arise in the first place.

In this article, I would like to talk about why having higher levels of emotional intelligence can help you with your relationships. Hopefully, you will find it helpful whether you are trying to develop yours or others’.

Look at your reactions

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

It is important to understand that having low emotional intelligence does not make someone bad, but it may contribute to them behaving in ways that are hurtful for you or others.

Research shows that people who have lower levels of EI tend to be more focused on what they want rather than how their actions affect other people.

They also use emotions such as anger, fear or guilt to achieve their goals instead of using rational thinking.

When they do try to apply rationality, it is often combined with denial or repression of feelings.

Try to be objective

It is very difficult to deal with someone who has low emotional intelligence if you are trying to be subjective or personal about it. You have to get past their pre-existing biases before you can even attempt to talk sense into them.

If you try to directly challenge their beliefs, they will probably shut down and not listen to your arguments. They may even get angry with you for putting “bad” ideas in their mind.

Instead, try being more objective. Ask questions that don't require an answer (like "How do you feel about?") or ask to see evidence of their claim rather than make a claim yourself ("Why did you say such things?").

Look to their strengths

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

It’s important to realize that not everyone gleans strength from relationships in the same way. Some people get strength directly from moving at a fast speed, while other people feel strength when they are working hard.

Some people find power in being able to make others laugh, while other people who seem funny actually have a lot of self-confidence.

For you, it may be realizing that your friend is more motivated after work by drinking beer than doing homework. You can help her focus on the first thing if she will let you!

Or maybe you know a person who loves taking big risks, so you should never invite them to do anything that doesn’t pose a small risk.

You need to understand your friends’ strengths and weaknesses because you want to keep those friendships strong.

Look to your own weaknesses

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

When someone is not showing any signs of emotional intelligence, it can be difficult to know what to do. You may feel like you have run out everything you have for trying to help them, but that only creates more problems.

At this stage, you may want to consider looking at yourself in the mirror and asking why you put up with all of these bad behaviors. Why did you keep putting up with things that are clearly wrong?

Why don’t you just say something about how wrong this behavior is? Why don’t you tell them so directly, instead of making excuses about it being their personal issue or they are too sensitive?

You are far better than anyone I have ever met, and yet you allow people to treat you badly. It is time to work on your own emotional intelligence.

Take some time today to think about ways you could improve your relationships. Perhaps you could ask someone if there is anything you could do to make them happier, or whether they would let you know if there was.

If you still feel unable to help them, then try to distract themselves from the situation, or walk away. Hopefully, one day they will realize they need to address their issues.

Make it clear you are unhappy with their behavior

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

Sometimes, people get so focused on trying to prove that they are right that they forget about how much this hurts other people.

When we're in an argument or discussion, if someone is constantly proving that they are right, it can hurt our self-confidence. It makes us feel like we are wrong even when we are not.

This can be very harmful before you know it.

If someone has low emotional intelligence, they may take things said against them as a personal attack instead of seeing it as a disagreement.

It can also make them think more about what was said than why it was said and whether there is any truth to it. This can easily lead to more arguments.

Look for the humor in situations

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

When someone is angry with you, try to find something funny about them or the situation to make their anger seem less important. For example, if they are really upset because of something you said, see if you can get a laugh out of it!

This could be saying something that happened earlier or something that seems trivial but was an integral part of what made them mad. If possible, look into why they got so angry in the first place and address any underlying issues.

Be consistent

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

Consistency is one of your best defenses when trying to deal with someone who has low emotional intelligence. If you are consistently good, there’s no need to do anything more than be that person’s normal self and keep being yourself.

As we discussed before, people with lower EQ skills tend to feel threatened by others so they try to control them through their behaviors or actions.

If this situation persists, it can become very frustrating for you because these individuals will not change unless something changes about how they perceive you.

So instead of reacting in kind, ignore their behavior until it stops happening and then move on.

It may take some time to re-establish trust but if you are truly dedicated to improving your relationship, I believe you will find success.

Ignore them

how to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence

There is no way to change someone with low emotional intelligence, but ignoring their actions is one of the best ways to help yourself stay healthy.

If you find that person crying or complaining frequently, try to ignore it. You can eventually get through this stage if you keep repeating this process, but staying focused on other things will only make emotions come up even more in depth.

Avoid engaging with them unless you have gone beyond your limit as mentioned before.

That could be because of something they said or done, so do not take any unnecessary risks by talking to them.

It may also be due to how they are around others, so avoid being in large groups with them unless you have proof that they have changed.

Emotions connect us all as humans, and having low EE (emotion-execution) people in your life can be very damaging. It is better to go ahead and leave than to become part of the problem.

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