How To Determine Emotional Intelligence
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While some might consider emotional intelligence (EI) to be more of an innate talent, there are things you can learn about it. You can develop your EQ by practicing specific strategies, exercises, and systems that have been shown to improve EI.
Some of these concepts are self-awareness, motivation, relationship management, empathy, and socialization. All of these qualities play a major role in how well someone functions socially and professionally.
So what is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence refers to our ability to recognize emotions in ourselves and others, and use this knowledge to motivate us to do things. It also includes being able to control or regulate emotions when necessary.
With higher levels of emotional intelligence, we’re better at understanding why people feel the way they do, and how to get them to change their behavior. This is because we’re aware not only of our own feelings but also those of other people.
There are many theories about what makes up emotional intelligence, but no one theory has become universally accepted. What does matter though is that most agree that having high emotional intelligence helps you function socially and professionally.
You will probably find that people with high emotional intelligence go beyond just showing emotion — they understand the source of their emotions and how to manage them.
It’s like they’re aware of their inner workings and take time to think about how they could make changes or improvements.
It’s impossible to measure emotional intelligence unless you have it, but knowing what emotions look like and how they affect others is a start.
Most people are not as aware of their own feelings as they think they are. We often feel things without understanding why we’re feeling that way or even recognize our own feelings.
This can be really tricky when there is something important going on in your life. You might miss key moments because you don’t understand your reactions.
People who have high emotional intelligence tend to be more conscious of their feelings and know how to control them. This helps them enjoy time with friends and family less urgently, which allows for better relationships.
Make eye contact
A large part of emotional intelligence is making eye contact. When you make direct eye contact with someone, it can strengthen your relationship.
Direct eye contact helps create trust between people. It shows that you are willing to put in effort into our relationship. You want to show them that they matter to you.
Making direct eye contact also sends a message to the other person. If the person looks away or has a look on their face like they do not care, this could be perceived as negative.
It makes the person being looked at feel bad because they know that you don’t care about what they have to say. This cuts down on communication and friendship.
So while it may sound cliché, really try to focus on making genuine, strong eye contacts. Don’t use fake eyes! They should be looking directly into each other’s eyes.
If you aren’t sure if you made an eye contact then yes, you didn’t! But don’t worry, most people automatically develop eye contact when talking so there isn’t much need to consciously do it.
However, if you noticed that you never got a response from the other person then you missed out! So now that you know how important it is, work on developing your emotional intelligence by practicing it.
Many people who claim they have high emotional intelligence are actually just pretending or exaggerating about it. There is no way to tell if someone thinks they have higher-than-average EQ unless you’re interacting with them, so chances are good that what they say about their own EQ is overstated.
People can easily lie about their emotions for various reasons. It may be because they don’t feel like they deserve strong feelings, or maybe they’re too focused on looking smart and appearing self-confident. Or perhaps they’re trying to conceal poor performance or mistakes by avoiding getting angry.
Whatever the reason, this can seriously impair your ability to recognize and understand other people’s emotions.
If there’s any doubt about whether an individual has adequate empathy, ask them to describe their own experiences in some context - how they would feel if something similar happened to them – and see if they come up with anything interesting.
You might hear things like “I wouldn’t let myself get annoyed at him/her” or “I always keep my anger under control.” Both of those statements imply the person has limits on certain types of emotion, which is a very human thing to admit.
Running dry or limited emotion tools is a hallmark of low EI, not high one.
Be honest with your peers
Sometimes, people get so focused on being good at something- such as playing a sport- that they forget about another important aspect of their life: relationships.
If you’re in a relationship, then learning how to be more empathic is not only helpful for you individually, but also for your partner.
More empathy means feeling bad or uncomfortable emotions towards someone else, instead of avoiding them or trying to ignore them. This will help you understand what makes your significant other feel insecure or stressed out, which can aid in solving the problem.
You should try to put yourself in others’ shoes, and ask why they might act the way they do.
Listen to others closely
A lot of people talk about emotional intelligence, but few actually understand what it is. According to Wikipedia, “Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to recognize, assess, manage, and use emotions for one’s own benefit and for the benefits of others. It is considered an essential skill in life.”
But how do you determine if someone has high emotional intelligence or not?
You can’t simply look at their smile because some people are very conscious of putting on a good face. You also can’t watch them laugh to see if they have control over their facial expressions, as many people may be self-conscious and keep things light even when they want to cry.
Instead, observe whether they show strength and weakness consistently. Are they able to separate themselves from situations and people so that they don’t get emotionally involved? Do they think before they speak, keeping comments thoughtful and true to who they are as a person?
If you noticed that they didn’t seem particularly invested in what other people were saying, then they probably have strong leadership skills. People often times follow leaders with emotional intensity, which is why someone with high emotional intelligence usually makes a good leader.
On the other hand, individuals who only focus on telling others how smart or clever they are rarely grow beyond this stage. They remain within their inner circle and never expand outside of this area.
Do not be egotistical
Many people have a misconception about what emotional intelligence is. They think that being intelligent means having lots of emotions and being able to show them easily.
That is definitely not emotional intelligence!
Emotions are an integral part of being human, and it is okay if you do not control all of them. It is normal for some days to go by when you do not feel any strong emotion at all.
But we should strive to learn how to manage our emotions in order to live a happy life. You will find that as your emotional regulation skills improve, your overall mood improves.
You will also notice that other people seem more willing to trust you because they see that you take care of yourself emotionally.
Do not be superficial
There is no such thing as emotional intelligence that comes more naturally to some people than others. Some are just born with higher levels of empathy, understanding, and control of their emotions.
This is really about being able to recognize and understand your own feelings and those of other people. It’s also about knowing how to manage your own emotions so they don’t get out of hand.
Some things are clearly outside of your control, like death or serious illness, but most things in life are. If you cannot deal with something, if you cannot handle disappointment, if you do not have enough self-control when it comes to food or exercise, then you will never truly succeed.
You would probably fail at running a business, career, or family if you didn’t learn how to regulate your emotions.
Be honest with your coworkers
As mentioned before, emotional intelligence is also referred to as EQ or quotient-of-emotions skills. You probably already have some degree of emotional intelligence, but you can always improve yours.
One way to do this is by being honest with yourself and others. When someone says something that makes you feel bad, acknowledge how that made you feel and what emotions came up for you. Then, try to understand why they said it and if there’s anything more you could done to avoid things like that in the future.
By being aware of your own feelings and how other people's comments affect you, you will automatically be trying to figure out how to control them. Also, looking at your own limitations and mistakes can help you grow too.