Howdy! A Portland, OR native, I currently reside in the northern San Diego County area as a freelance writer. When I'm not sipping coffee, soaking up some rays and writing or playing guitar you can find me at the hot yoga studio.
A lot of relationships start with “What’s in it for me?” The art of emotional communication with the opposite sex is incredibly difficult and requires that you learn how to really listen and empathize with him, rather than the kinds of things that I call “flipping your switch on and off.”
However, if you have a few things down, I think you’ll be in a better position to communicate with him and then from there make the important conscious choice to keep working on yourself, and in turn, to get better at communicating with him.
If you are a people pleaser, and you are constantly getting walked all over, that is a form of emotional harm.
However, as difficult as it may be, when we are in a relationship, we have to stop listening to our own wants and needs and start listening to the needs and wants of the person we are in a relationship with.
When we care for someone, we have to make an extra effort not to hurt them, even if it means getting burned a few times before we learn it.
If you are in a healthy relationship, and you are truly committed to that person, there is a whole host of ways that you can open yourself up emotionally and not get burned.
There are a few rules that I lay out in this post that can help you open yourself up to your partner:
Stop apologizing. Never apologize. It’s such a quick way to send your man into a dark place.
Only give your man what he wants and never do something to hurt him.
Notice the words you are using. Notice what it’s like to hear your voice be loving and vulnerable.
Notice when you are tempted to be snappy or irritable because you tend to be a bit irritable.
You are going to hear the things that hurt him a lot more than they are going to hear the things that you’re feeling.
It’s your job to stick to the three P’s: pray, keep a conversation, and see.
Don’t let your feelings fall on deaf ears and don’t rush to give advice.
Give your man room to have emotions, but you must not be withholding your own, otherwise, you are giving up an opportunity to connect.
Don’t play games, and don’t play guessing games, because they’re dangerous and you can be hurt by them.
What you want to do is play the game of emotions with him, as they are going to reveal so much more about you than any other game.
Every game you play is something that you’ve learned from your past.
Take a moment to step back, and ask yourself “Is this something I’ve learned from my past?
Am I subconsciously learning this to prevent me from getting hurt?”
If the answer is yes, let that be a sign that you need to go back to the drawing board and choose a different game.
It’s not about pretending to feel a certain way when you don’t feel a certain way.
Don’t fake it, it hurts your man, and it’s not fair to him. There is nothing more disrespectful than playing games.
There is nothing more respectful than giving your man a real opportunity to get to know you and the true you.
If you play games, you will forever keep your man out of your heart, because you won’t be able to be vulnerable.
When you give him a real chance to get to know you, you will open up a whole world of possibility.
When you want to love a man, you have to be willing to make the “most important move” of all.
This is where all those things I laid out for you in this post will come in handy.
I said that the most important move is to “Give Your Man A Chance” and I truly believe this.
You have to decide to open up to him, even though you’ve done everything in your power to keep him out.
You have to decide to allow him to get to know you, even though he may not be ready to be a real part of your life right now.
You have to decide to give him a chance, even though you are holding back all of your emotions and hurt.
You have to decide to give him a chance to break through your walls, even though he may walk away and decide that he doesn’t really want to be in your life.
You have to decide to give him a chance, even though you feel that it’s too late, and you are too emotionally and physically drained to have a life-changing experience with him.
You have to decide to give him a chance to say what he feels, even though he will probably be afraid to do it, and he will be too scared to say what he needs to say.
You have to decide to open up, even though you’re probably going to get hurt and you might cry.
You have to decide to open up, even though you are bound to get hurt.
“My exes came to me when they were having emotional problems, they came to me to talk about a problem or ask for advice, and when they needed a friend to talk to.” – Mandy Hale
It’s a cliche to say that you’ve got your man’s back, but it’s not true. It’s just true.
He is always going to come to you if he needs help, and he is always going to be there for you.
You will never get hurt by his decisions. He’s going to be there for you, just as you will be there for him.
This is why you shouldn’t feel guilty for giving your man a chance. You will be his number one cheerleader, and he is going to be in the trenches with you on this journey.