How To Have Better Emotional Intelligence
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Having emotional intelligence (EI) is a skill that can be learned, just like any other. People with higher EI are not necessarily better people, but they know how to control their emotions more effectively than those who do not.
They also use their emotions for good instead of bad. For example, someone with high EQ may feel sad for another person’s loss, but then they go about doing something to help them feel happier.
You can learn the basics of this trait by reading some articles and practicing some strategies. In this article, you will learn several ways to improve your emotional quotient.
You will also learn how to identify what types of things are worth investing in because they make you happy, and which ones cost money or waste time. This article will apply directly to yourself, but it can also be used as a quick reference if you need to refresh your knowledge of emotional intelligence.
A lot of people have emotional intelligence, but they’re not very patient with others. They may be able to keep their emotions in check when other people are doing things that irritate them, but beyond that, they don’t try to understand what makes someone else feel hurt or angry.
They might talk over someone instead of listening to how they're feeling, and if something bad happens, they'll sometimes forget about life's problems because they're too focused on theirs.
If you want to improve your own emotional intelligence, though, you need to learn how to be more aware and understanding of what makes other people feel good and unhappy. You also have to show some self-control — not every person will like or agree with you, nor will everything make you happy.
Don't take it personally when people do or say things that upset you, instead think about why they did what they did and decide whether that behavior was justified.
Make eye contact
Looking into someone’s eyes can be a powerful way to connect with them, which is why making direct eye contact with another person is one of the first things that most people do when they meet. When you make direct eye contact with someone, it creates an immediate connection and elicits responses from them.
By establishing eye contact, you show interest in who they are and what they have to say. It also helps break down barriers and create trust between individuals. Many psychologists believe that having good emotional intelligence comes naturally to some people because they develop strong eye contact.
However, most people lack emotional intelligence due to poor self-awareness and perception of others’ emotions. By avoiding eye contact, you may not realize how much impact your behavior has on other people.
Making effort to establish eye contact will help you on your quest to improve your EI.
A lot of what we call ‘emotions’ are actually just thoughts that have an intensity attached to them.
For example, when you make a big mistake at work, your job is probably more than just feeling bad about yourself for a few minutes. It can also include feelings of fear or worry about how people will react to you, guilt because you felt you didn’t do your best, and maybe even resentment towards those around you who might feel better about themselves because they did their jobs well instead of you.
All these things can add up to create some powerful emotions, but none of them constitute true emotion unless you believe it.
If you think about it, no one ever talks about having emotional intelligence as a skill. They talk about having lots of emotions, but never about changing the way you process your own emotions or learn to control which emotions you have in specific situations.
I know this seems contradictory, but I want to emphasize why this is important.
The thing everyone neglects about emotional intelligence is that it doesn’t come easily to everybody.
Just like with any other skill, you have to work at it, you have to practice, and you have to be willing to put in the effort. But once you do, then you will get results.
And while there is no surefire way to gain emotional skills, there are several strategies that have been proven to help you.
Share your experiences
It’s easy to think that you are the only one who feels certain ways, but that isn’t true at all. When we assume that our feelings apply to just us, we stop sharing our experiences with other people.
By educating ourselves about how others feel, we increase our emotional intelligence.
We become more aware of emotions and what triggers them in different individuals for different reasons, which helps us relate to them better. This also gives us a sense of calm, knowing that there is someone out there like us so that we don’t have to seem too strange or crazy when we are experiencing the same thing.
When we are able to recognize and understand another person’s emotion, we can be less judgmental of them and their behavior because we realize they were feeling something very deeply for a reason.
Furthermore, by understanding why someone else may have behaved a way that seemed irrational, we learn how to avoid such behaviors in ourselves.
Be honest with your peers
Sometimes, in our daily lives we can get so focused on ourselves that we forget how important it is for others to trust us. People look up to you, they rely on you, and expect good things from you.
In fact, according to research, having high emotional intelligence helps motivate colleagues and inspires them to do their best.
Emotional intelligence includes understanding emotions related to yourself as well as those of other people. It also means knowing what behaviors are appropriate and helping others feel comfortable around you.
So this could mean being aware of someone’s feelings and responding with empathy, or trying to put themselves in their shoes to understand why they might be feeling a certain way.
And while it may sound cliché, always treat others the way you want to be treated- if you go out on a limb for someone, then they will have same level of respect for you.
Listen to others closely
It’s not just about what you say, but also how you listen. People will often feel hurt or invalidated by something you said, or felt they should have done or could have done better.
If you are able to recognize this, then you can try to make them like you did before by saying “I am sorry I made you feel that way.” Or “It must be hard for you to believe that I know best.”
By showing empathy and understanding of their situation, they may feel more inclined to trust you in the future.
Everyone feels limited at times, even if you don’t think so. We all have our limitations and things we struggle with sometimes.
But being aware of these limitations is part of becoming an intelligent person.
And having emotional intelligence is a quality that most people have, it’s just that some people use it more than others.
Don’t be egotistical
A lot of people have a hard time accepting someone else's success because they feel that their own life is not going well, or worse, that their lives are totally messed up.
When you put more energy into proving how wrong other people are about themselves, then it can prevent them from seeking out helpful advice and opportunities.
This emotional intelligence (EI) drawback comes in particularly strong when there is a significant person around who has succeeded, even though you think your personal life is failing.
Because if they were successful before, chances are they know what helped them get there and could give those tips to you, but you don’t want to hear them.
You may also worry that if they knew what made someone else happier, they would look at you with pity instead of encouragement.
So try limiting these negative self-talk patterns by choosing to focus on yourself for a change.
Having emotional intelligence means being able to identify your emotions and understand what is causing them. Then, you must be able to take action to fix the problem or at least put up more of a front to hide the symptoms.
By being aware of your feelings, you can make sure they don’t control you. You can also recognize when someone else has strong emotions and why. This helps you avoid getting involved in their problems because you know how they feel about you.
However, remember that other people do not have equal levels of emotional intelligence. Some people are much better at it than others.
So, while you should strive to be like those who have high EQ, there will always be people who are ahead of you. That isn’t a bad thing!
Instead of trying to imitate theirs, learn from theirs and see where you can apply these lessons in your own life. Also, realize that some things may just be too difficult for you to achieve at this time.
On the other hand, once you reach a level where you feel that you have mastered this, you can move onto the next stage which would be improving yours.