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Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ) has become one of the top buzzwords in psychology. It is not new, however. People have talked about it for centuries, if not longer. The term was coined by Daniel Goleman in his best-selling book The New Scientific Approach To Success. He described it as “the […]
Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ) has become one of the top buzzwords in psychology. It is not new, however. People have talked about it for centuries, if not longer.
The term was coined by Daniel Goleman in his best-selling book The New Scientific Approach To Success. He described it as “the ability to recognize your own emotions and those of others and use that knowledge to achieve successful relationships and career outcomes”.
Since then, there are many theories about what makes someone more or less intelligent in this area. Some say it comes down to genetics, while others believe environment plays a significant part.
No matter which theory you choose to believe, we can all improve our EQ skills – whether we are students, parents, employers, professionals or just like sharing stories with people.
This article will talk about some ways to increase your relationship EQ. You do not need to be in a romantic partnership to apply these concepts. They can be used between friends, colleagues and family members too.
When your partner does something that makes you feel bad, try not to immediately lash out or get angry. Take a moment to think about what they did before getting upset.
This is especially important when it comes to things like criticizing you or putting down your efforts.
If you are trying to improve your emotional intelligence in relationships, then learning how to be more patient with each other will help!
Running away from disagreements may make you feel better for a short time, but it is also likely to hurt your relationship because you will need to work through your issues together.
You’ll have to talk about what happened and why you felt offended, which can easily lead to more fights.
Making direct, conscious eye contact with someone is one of the most powerful ways to establish strong emotional connections. When you make direct eye contact with someone, they feel recognized and understood — even when you don’t say anything!
The process is simple: You pick your target person and then you look at them. Simple enough, right? But how do you know if you’ve made successful eye contact?
You’ll know you succeeded when you see a slight blush or warmth spread across their face, as well as a slight widening of their eyes. They may also give you a small smile – all due to you having connected with them emotionally.
Making eye contact can help reduce tensions between individuals, and it’s a helpful tool for professionals who want to increase EI in the workplace. (It’s a good way to be more effective as a leader too!)
Surprisingly, making eye contact doesn’t require saying very much! Simply looking into the other person’s eyes and holding onto that gaze for a few seconds will usually do the trick.
And while this article focused on relationships, this same principle applies to anyone – whether it’s friends, family members, colleagues or strangers.
Sometimes we get so focused on wanting something or someone more that they’re perfect, that we forget about what is important to us.
We sometimes put too much pressure on relationships to have a certain level of intimacy, to feel loved at all times, to never be hurt again. If you need some time apart, if your partner needs space, if you don’t feel like having sex any more – go do it!
Don’t feel guilty for needing time alone, or not feeling romantic about each other. It’s totally normal. Take care of yourself first by looking after your emotional health.
If you want to keep this person in your life, work on things together. Find ways to relate to each other outside of bed — talking, texting, visiting are great starting points. You can also ask them how they would like you to treat them, what kind of behaviors require action, and what doesn’t.
It’s easy for people with high emotional intelligence to show their love, because they understand that showing emotions is important to your significant other.
They know that when you are feeling down, your loved one will not feel good about himself or herself if they do not try to cheer you up. They will make an effort to do something romantic or special for you, since you both need each other’s attention.
On the other hand, it can be difficult to find this kind of understanding in relationships where emotional intimacy is low. If your partner does not appreciate how you feel, then what is the point of staying together?
If you want to increase emotional intelligence in your relationship, start by sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings. Do not worry about whether your spouse will agree and accept your emotions as true, learn to recognize them first.
Once you have mastered that, you can move onto the next step – expressing gratitude. Make a habit out of saying “thank you” for all the things your mate did for you.
This includes not only practical gestures like paying the bills or doing the laundry, but also non-practical ones like agreeing to meet your parents at the airport even though he/she would rather stay home.
Your partner should get credit for his/her efforts, even if you did not realize them at the time.
In relationships, emotional intelligence is influenced by how well you are able to read other people – for example, their body language, tone of voice, and what they say.
When we are listening to someone else, there’s an important rule to remember: don’t interrupt them unless it’s really necessary!
By breaking eye contact, interjecting, or not giving enough attention to another person when they speak, you show that you aren’t interested in what they have to say. It could be because you agree with what they said, or because you want to do something different, but either way your focus is somewhere else.
If you feel that somebody is talking about something that is very close to your own heart then give them your full attention at that moment so that they know they can rely on you being here for them.
This isn’t always easy if you don’t like whoever you’re spending time with, but investing some time into understanding them will pay off in the long run.
Thinking about things from their perspective and avoiding arguments where possible will help you achieve this.
In our society, people are constantly telling each other how great they are. This can easily become superficial self-love or even arrogance. When we talk about ourselves too much, we lose sight of what others have done for us.
We forget that just because someone makes a decision that benefits you does not mean that they like it or agree with it. It could simply be a matter of them thinking that this is the best option for them at this time.
By putting more focus on yourself and your decisions, you may be limiting the possibilities of achieving success by ignoring who might need your help along the way.
If someone seems unhappy or unfulfilled, don’t assume that it is only their personal situation that is the cause. Ask if there is anything that they would change or improve about themselves.
This could be something small such as trying to be kinder to individuals or having better timing management in work – things that they probably know about themselves but never really focused on before.
Alternatively, ask whether there is anything that they would want to do but feel unable to due to lack of skill or knowledge. Sometimes, changing these skills takes effort and motivation that they seem to lack.
Don’t make assumptions nor are there any rules about defining emotional intelligence. Only when they are asked will they tell you what it means to them.
Humility is one of the most important traits to have in a healthy relationship, but it can be tricky to achieve at times. If you tend to think you are better than other people or their actions make you feel bad, then it will be difficult to accept what they do or choose to do with their life.
If you want your partner to value you, show them that you understand where they come from and how they perceive things. Ask about their day and try to relate to why they did what they did.
Never assume anything about someone else’s inner self-feelings unless asked directly, but when you do ask, listen to what they say without judgement.
Your loved one may not tell you everything, but if you handle these conversations with grace and respect for who they are as individuals, you will learn more about them.
At the same time, remember that there is no reason to compare yourself to others – we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and being aware of this makes us happier.
In order to increase your emotional intelligence, you have to be willing to face all of your emotions and deal with them properly.
This is not an easy thing to do sometimes, but it must be done for true growth. When you are trying to work on your relationships, there will always be something that you struggle with or feel conflicted about.
You have to recognize these feelings and take time to think through what is going on before you can fix yourself.
By being aware of why you felt the way you did, you can use this information to improve your relationship down the road.
If you get tired of investing your energy in someone who does not appreciate it, then you need to find people who do!
It is better to be alone than put up with bad behavior forever.
Be honest with yourself and others and try to address any issues head-on instead of letting things fester. You’ll have to make some changes along the way, but don’t give up because you want to keep your loved one as they are now — grow!
Relationships take effort, so don’t expect perfection, just strive for improvement every day. It may take months, even years, but if you are working hard, eventually you’ll see results.
