How To Know If I Have Emotional Intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular concepts in psychology. It is typically defined as someone's ability to identify their own emotions and those of others, use that knowledge to evaluate situations, and then take actions that are intended to improve your mood or help you regulate yours.

With all this talk about improving our emotional skills, many people have wondered whether they have enough emotional intelligence. Some feel very confident in their EQ, while other individuals seem to struggle with it.

In fact, there is an easy way to know for sure if you have high levels of EI! The next time you're talking with a friend or family member, ask them if you could win a prize just by telling them how much you loved them.

If they say yes, then you probably have good emotional intelligence. On the other hand, if they say no — even if you try hard to convince them otherwise — then perhaps looking into your emotional strengths and weaknesses is needed.

Look on the positive side of life

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

Many people with high emotional intelligence are known for their positive attitudes towards life. They are usually happy and enjoy living, which other people benefit from around them.

Everyone experiences bad days, but they’re not extended periods of time — they’re only a few hours long. A person with higher EQ will typically bounce back faster than someone who has less empathy.

People who have high EQ understand that things happen in life, and you cannot control everything, so you must learn how to deal with situations as quickly as possible. Because they are more aware of what makes them feel good about themselves and this world, they are better at avoiding negative emotions and putting those feelings aside.

They may also be happier because they recognize and accept things about themselves that contribute to happiness. These could include being grateful for certain qualities or skills, understanding yourself well, and believing that you are worthy and deserving.

Look on the negative side of life

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

Sometimes we get so focused on having lots of money, power, or prestige that we forget what is really important in our lives. We lose sight of things such as relationships, family, friendships, and community. We sometimes ignore who we are beyond what position we have at work or what wealth we accumulate.

We can easily run through the motions every day without investing much energy in anything other than staying busy. It is easy to underestimate how quickly time passes and how little we invest in ourselves during this time.

This is why it is important to be aware of your emotional intelligence. You should try to evaluate whether you feel more like someone with low emotional intelligence or high emotional intelligence.

If you think about people around you who have done well due to their emotional intelligence, then you probably have some of it yourself. This could be because you learn from others’ mistakes or emotions, you are very sympathetic, or you recognize another person’s feelings and play upon them.

On the contrary, when people close to you suffer from lack of emotional control, this may hurt them. They might worry about you because they cannot tell whether you will show up for commitments or not. This can create a lot of stress for them which can negatively impact their own quality of life.

Look on the bright side of life

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

Even if you don’t have much emotional intelligence, you can try to look on the bright side of things.

It doesn’t matter how bad your day was, it could always be worse. At least you are alive today instead of tomorrow.

Try to focus on all the good that you have in your life. Your family, friends, career, and yourself.

Don’t just say “thank God I had such a nice morning,” make a note about what you're grateful for and stick it somewhere you will see it every day.

This will help you realize the small wonders of your life that you may forget about at times.

Look on the dark side of life

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

There is no way to tell whether you have emotional intelligence or not unless you are really, truly honest with yourself.

It’s impossible to assess your level of EQ without making some serious observations about the people in your life.

Does everyone seem to be living their lives pretty well? Or are there constant arguments and strife? Is someone always putting up a tough front for other people, but when they come home, they don’t seem quite so happy?

If you can’t identify any problems within the walls of your own house, then it's probably time to rethink your perception of what “emotionally intelligent” means.

Your personal success as a leader depends on how effectively you use emotions for motivation and influence.

Be honest with yourself

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

It’s impossible to have strong emotional control unless you are aware of your own emotions, how they work, and why you feel the way you do.

Most people spend their lives avoiding feelings rather than exploring them. We often ignore or suppress uncomfortable emotions because we think they are not appropriate or we don’t know what to make of them.

By ignoring our instincts like this, it can negatively impact how well we function both at home and at work.

If you’re in a relationship, for example, you may be able to put up with things that hurt you emotionally because you hope things will change eventually. If those changes never come, though, you will suffer more than ever before.

Similarly, if you keep working long hours without taking time off to care for your children or meet friends, you will waste your potential. You’ll pass up opportunities to learn new things or achieve goals that would enrich your life.

Emotions play an important role in helping us form relationships and succeed at work, so it makes sense to become familiar with yours.

Be honest with others

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

When you are trying to determine whether you have emotional intelligence, ask yourself if you’re willing to be honest with people. If you can’t bring yourself to tell someone that they aren’t as good at something as them, then chances are you don’t really believe it either.

It is very easy to develop pretenses when we put off telling people how bad their performance was because we want to look better than them. It also helps us avoid having to confront our own weaknesses or risk looking bad in front of them.

However, refusing to acknowledge your shortcomings only makes things worse in the long run. You’ll constantly feel insecure about your abilities and this will negatively affect not just your self-confidence but also your productivity and effectiveness at work and at home.

If you can’t bring yourself to say “I am no so great at __________,” then you probably don’t truly believe it either.

Be realistic

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

There is no quick way to know whether you have emotional intelligence or not, unless you actually recognize that you do have it and learn how to use your emotions in productive ways.

Most people seem to think that having more “emotions” means they have higher emotional intelligence, when in fact, that could be creating more problems than it solves.

It can make them feel even worse about themselves because they don’t understand what is going on around them.

Or maybe someone does something that makes them feel bad and their first thought isn’t “I should feel bad for feeling this way,” but rather “Why did he/she get hurt? Why didn’t she appreciate me more?”

The truth is, there are only two types of people who have high emotional intelligence: ones with low levels of emotional awareness and control and ones with strong emotion regulation skills.

Luckily, you can improve your own level of emotional awareness so you can identify your feelings better and why you have them, as well as strengthen your ability to regulate your emotions.

Be consistent

how to know if i have emotional intelligence

Consistency is one of the most important things when it comes to showing yourself, others, and maybe even yourself that you have emotional intelligence.

Consistently demonstrating self-awareness and understanding emotions can help you gain confidence in your skills. Plus, it’s much easier to prove yourself when you know what markers show that you are able to do so.

It also helps people trust you more since they see that you take time to understand their feelings and how you made them feel.

So, whether you realize it or not, everyone has some level of emotional intelligence!

But why should we care? Because EQ is a valuable asset that every person possesses.

If you don’t believe me yet, let me give you an example.

A few years ago, there was a young man who went to college very close to where I lived. He would always talk about feeling lonely and missing his family back home, but he never seemed too willing to put effort into changing anything about that.

He would ask friends out, go out with other groups of friends, and sometimes would make an attempt at connecting with someone else, but things usually fizzled out quickly because he didn’t seem invested in the situation.

I will be completely honest here – this guy made me feel uncomfortable.

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