Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular psychology concepts. Many claim it as an essential part of personal growth and development.

Many employers now require employees to have adequate levels of EI in their job interviews. And research is showing that having high EQ can help you achieve your dreams and career goals.

However, there are also some who say that “emotion literacy” or “ability to recognize emotions” is just another way of saying “feeling good about yourself.” This could be confusing for people with low self-esteem, they argue.

So how do we know if someone has high EQ? Is being able to identify feelings equivalent to having higher overall self-confidence? Or does it go beyond that?

In this article, we will discuss the basics of emotional intelligence and some tips for testing yours. But first, let us look at the different types of emotional skills and what situations call for them.

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Types of emotional skills
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Emotional quotient (or EQ) comes in three main categories:

Intrapersonal — within oneself
Interpersonal – between other people
Existential – relating to things outside ourselves (like nature, spirituality, and work/career)

Most people have sufficient intrapersonal and interpersonal EQs, but very few have adequate existential EQ.

Have patience

In fact, it is considered to be one of the most important skills you can develop. People with high emotional intelligence are not necessarily good people, but they are able to identify their emotions and regulate them more effectively than those who are less capable.

Many experts believe that we spend about half of our time in this life engaged in an activity other than sleeping, eating, and having sex. The other half of the time is spent either thinking about or experiencing something negative or stressful.

By having adequate control over your reactions, you will be better at avoiding things like alcohol, tobacco, and illegal substances as well as food additives and poor diets. You may also learn how to manage your stressors more efficiently.

You’ll find that once you have mastered this skill, you’ll enjoy the experience much more because you’ll appreciate what has happened and feel relaxed and confident.

Make eye contact

A lot of people believe that having strong emotional intelligence means being able to identify your emotions quickly and then changing what position you take in an argument depending on which emotion you’re feeling.

That is not quite right, emotional intelligence goes beyond just identifying your own feelings and taking different positions during arguments. It also includes understanding how others feel and why they are acting as they are.

Making direct eye contact with someone is one of the most powerful ways to gain this knowledge. When you do so, you are telling their inner-self that you understand them, and that they matter to you.

It can be difficult to make eye contact when you’re angry or hurt but try to make it once and see the effect it has. Even if you only look into their eyes for a few seconds, your brain will still pick up on some information – such as whether they seem sincere, if they appear confident or if they seem scared.

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, start by making more effort to make eye contact.

Be realistic

Many people who claim they have high emotional intelligence are actually just putting up a fake image of themselves. They may even be using the term “emotional quotient” (EQ) as a way to feel good about themselves.

It is important to know your true strengths and weaknesses, but you can never truly understand your own EQ until you recognize them.

Trying to prove that you have higher-than-average EQ by completing various tests or asking others if you seem more emotionally intelligent than other people is not going to tell you anything!

What does matter is whether you believe you are in control when things happen and how you respond to these events.

If you cannot identify what makes you feel happy or sad then it is difficult to improve your overall EQ. You could also struggle with understanding why other people might think differently from you.

Running through all possible scenarios for every situation will help you determine whether you perceive someone else’s actions as rational or irrational.

Share your experiences

It’s easy to think that you are the only one who feels certain things, but that isn’t true at all. Everyone has their own set of emotions, which they may not understand themselves, let alone others around them.

Everyone is different so what works for someone else might not work for you. This can be tricky to bear when you feel like everything seems very similar to you.

If you notice that people seem to share the same feelings as you, ask yourself why that is and try to figure out the source or roots of those feelings.

You’ll probably find that it goes back to something that person was feeling before and now they have added yours onto theirs.

By being aware of these similarities, you will know how to help them deal with their own emotional issues and weaknesses.

Be honest with your self

Let yourself feel all of your emotions, from strong feelings to crying over something or someone. Don’t try to suppress your feelings in order to look more intelligent or “in control.”

This will only make you feel even worse because you’ll be suppressing what you really want at that moment. You’ll also likely end up acting out your feelings physically (for example, by hitting things) or taking harmful actions (like drinking or smoking), which can hurt yourself and/or others.

Running away from your pain doesn’t help you grow as a person. It actually helps you lose sight of who you are and what you care about. By not being aware of your own emotional state, you may forget how to reconnect with those things once they’re gone.

On the other hand, learning how to manage your emotions is an important part of growing up. The key is to recognize when you’ve got too much emotion going on and take appropriate action.

Understand your emotions

A good way to know your emotional intelligence is to understand what types of feelings you experience, why you have them, and how to manage them.

Many people think that because they don’t feel much emotion that they don’t suffer from fear or anger, for example. But there are many ways we can be emotionally intelligent.

For instance, some people seem to never show any signs of excitement or joy. Others may not feel strong emotions such as love or sadness very often, but when they do it is with great intensity.

There are even individuals who are known to suppress their emotions completely. When they do so, it can hurt those around them!

So, while it is important to learn about our normal levels of feeling, it is also important to recognize other types of emotions and how to regulate them.

Look to the future

One of the most important things you can do for your emotional intelligence is look into the future.

This will help you predict potential problems, which helps you plan ahead of time to prevent them from happening. You’ll also be able to recognize when a problem has flared up and what you can do to address it.

By thinking about the future, you’re more likely to keep negative emotions in check at present time by anticipating they’ll still be there later.

You’d probably agree that having lots of money makes you happy now, but not necessarily in the long run. As we know, too much wealth can create additional stress as you worry about how to maintain it.

I’m talking about the constant barrage of media messages telling us that we need to consume less natural food, use less energy, spend less time with our friends, and reduce our daily activities to pare down our material success.

Seek feedback

As mentioned before, your emotional intelligence is like any other skill—you can’t really tell how strong you are without knowing yourself.

So one of the best ways to assess your emotional intelligence is by getting feedback. This could be from people who know you well, such as family members or friends, or it could be from strangers who have conversations with you.

By asking for their opinions, they can let you know whether you seem angry about something, whether you seem depressed, and what you mean when you talk about things. All of these qualities are part of having high emotional intelligence.

You should also ask yourself if those comments make sense. Is it true that you don’t care much about others? Or is this just because you sometimes get in an argument with someone and lose control.

If you do think you lack emotional intelligence, there are some strategies you can use to improve it. You may want to try talking more about things – why not bring up difficult topics and see how well you handle them?

Or maybe learn how to recognize and manage your emotions – figure out which ones are good and bad and when to apply each one.

Emotions come and go, so don’t get stuck thinking about them. Instead, choose to focus on other things and eventually your feelings will work themselves out.