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Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular psychology concepts. Many experts claim that it can be learned like any other skill, and there are now many courses and resources offering programs to improve your EI. But is this concept really worth investing in? And what does the […]
Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular psychology concepts. Many experts claim that it can be learned like any other skill, and there are now many courses and resources offering programs to improve your EI.
But is this concept really worth investing in? And what does the research say about the effectiveness of these programs?
In this article, we will discuss the basics of emotional intelligence, how to learn more about it, and whether there actually exist effective ways to train it. While some theories about EI may not have strong evidence supporting them, there are strategies and exercises that could still help you grow your emotional skills.
We will also look at several studies that were conducted on different types of interventions for improving EI. These investigations found no clear winner but do offer some insights into possible approaches.
So what are we talking about when we refer to ‘emotional intelligence’?
First, let us make sure we have our terminology straight. The term ‘intelligence’ refers to your ability to reason, plan, solve problems, and organize things. This applies even if the topic is something abstract or non-physical – thinking about mathematics equations, analyzing business trends, understanding political ideologies, and so on.
When people use the word ‘intelligent’ they usually mean having smarts or being very clever.
Learning emotional intelligence is like learning any other skill — you have to practice it. It will not happen magically, but by putting in time into it every day, you can achieve results.
Just as with anything else, there are no quick fixes for emotional intelligence. You have to invest in the long-term, and keep practicing throughout your life so that you can maximize its benefits.
It may feel impossible at times, but just like anyone else, you’ll get better with practice!
Practice makes perfect. So don’t give up hope! There’s always tomorrow for me to start over again.
By having patience, you’re investing in yourself and giving yourself a chance to improve. Not only that, but you’ll also be teaching yourself something that can make your life more balanced and happier.
A large part of emotional intelligence is making and keeping appropriate eye contacts. When you make an effort to look people in their eyes, it gives them permission to trust you and feel comfortable around you.
When someone is crying or looking very stressed out, breaking off eye contact can help reduce stress for both parties. It also helps keep things professional since you are not engaging with each other as colleagues or friends.
Making direct eye contact can be difficult if you’re never made enough before so don’t worry about that just yet!
Instead try establishing some basic rules like having lunch together once a week. As your friend or colleague, they will perceive your looks more than anyone else’s.
Learning emotional intelligence (EI) is not like learning your own name or how to read, where once you know it, you should be able to do it effortlessly. Being able to recognize and manage your emotions takes practice, diligence and in-depth understanding of what makes you feel certain ways.
It also takes being aware of yourself and your tendencies, which some say is the most important thing people learn as teens. While that may sound simple, it can be tricky at times.
As you grow up and life gets more complicated, so does your brain. Emotions come with feelings, and feeling angry about something could make you hurt someone else’s feelings, causing an avalanche of negative thoughts and reactions.
That’s why it’s very difficult to teach young children things like social skills. They don’t understand concepts such as empathy yet!
So while teaching kids how to control their anger is great motivation for practicing EI, it’s probably not the best way to focus on it.
For adults, however, developing your emotional literacy is an essential part of living a happy, healthy life. You will lose track of happiness if you cannot regulate your emotions.
You will suffer from depression and/or anxiety if you are unable to identify and deal effectively with stressors. And we all have enough stress going on without adding to our pile.
Learning emotional intelligence (EI) is about understanding how you feel and why you feel that way. It’s also about learning how other people make you feel, and what factors influence their actions towards you.
The term “emotion literacy” has become increasingly popular in recent years. According to Dr. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, it can be defined as “the ability to recognize our own emotions and those of others, and to use such recognition to regulate emotion and motivate change”.1
With all this emphasis on emotional regulation and motivation, it makes sense to explore ways to improve one’s EQ. After all, we are all going through various changes at any given time, which could include changing jobs, relationships, or life goals.
As humans, we are constantly drawing conclusions from evidence, considering alternatives, and coming to logical conclusions. These qualities relate to EI because they describe how well you manage your thoughts and feelings.2
So, how do you learn emotional intelligence? By sharing your experiences!
By talking about yourself and your reactions to things, you will begin to understand yourself more. You will realize some of your behaviors are not productive and you will work to replace them with healthier ones. At the same time, you will notice some patterns in behavior and develop strategies for altering them.
As mentioned earlier, one of the biggest things that inhibit people in their personal and professional life is fear or lack of confidence. If you’re too scared to make a mistake, then you won’t risk anything. You’ll keep yourself protected from failure, which will prevent you from achieving your potential.
If you don’t believe in something, if you don’t feel confident about it, then how can anyone else be expected to? It creates a sort of paralysis where nobody tries to do anything because they don’t want to look stupid or fail.
That doesn’t help anybody but yourself nor does it set a good example for others. In fact, it could even hurt them as people may worry about going after what they think is impossible.
By being willing to lose face, by being open about your mistakes, people learn more about you than you know. They gain insights into whether you are able to admit when you are wrong and how you respond to adversity.
One of the most important things you can do to learn emotional intelligence is to listen to people. You’ll find that people have different levels of emotional intelligence, which makes it hard to relate to them sometimes.
By listening carefully to what other people are saying and how they are saying it, you will begin to understand their level of emotional intelligence and why they say the way they do.
You can also use this information to determine if someone has emotional intelligence or not. For example, if you notice that they don’t seem particularly happy or sad, then you know they aren’t very good at recognizing emotions.
On the other hand, if you see them crying or laughing frequently, then you know they must be quite smart in terms of emotions.
There are many ways to improve your ability to read people, such as by being more attentive, using non-verbal cues, and asking questions.
One of the most common reasons why people don’t learn emotional intelligence is because they think that if they can understand how others feel, then they’ll like them more or at least trust them more.
This assumption is totally false!
The thing about emotions is that everyone has their own set of feelings which are unique to who they are as individuals. Therefore, what one person may consider “trustworthy” behavior for someone else might actually make them feel even less trusting.
On the other hand, there are some behaviors and strategies that are trustworthy no matter whom you are so it makes sense to develop your emotional literacy by learning these things.
But before you start trying to decipher what makes someone else feel good or bad, take a step back first.
Become aware of your own emotions and why you’re feeling the way you are. Then, compare yourself with those around you and ask yourself whether they seem happier than you do right now. If they did not, maybe it’s time to look into why.
As mentioned earlier, one of the biggest reasons why people struggle with emotional intelligence is because they believe that they are not capable or trained in this skill set.
This can be especially true at times when their personal life experiences have made them feel bad about themselves or discouraged other people who seem more skilled than them.
As human beings we all have different strengths and weaknesses, and there’s no reason to think that you don’t belong to this category.
If you ever feel like you know everything about something, then you should probably look into it a little bit more. You never know what you might learn.
And while it may sound cliché, I really do believe that we all have enough talent for ourselves.
We just need to work a little harder to recognize it sometimes.
