Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (“EI”) has become one of the most popular concepts in psychology. Many experts claim that we are living in an era where more and more people have low levels of EI, making it important for individuals to improve their EQ.

Some even go so far as to say that having high EQ is becoming a requirement for success in work and life. More than ever before, then, there is significant interest in learning how to increase your EQ.

But while many agree that improving your EQ is worth investing in, no universal agreement exists about what makes up this skill. There are several different models and theories about what makes up EQ, and none clearly dominate over the others.

That said, some theories seem to be better supported by research than others. One such theory is the ‘trait model’ of emotion regulation. In this theory, you are either able to regulate your emotions or you are not. If you can, then you have higher EQ; if you cannot, then you do not.

The good news is that here we will talk about some ways to boost your EQ via a technique called cognitive restructuring. But first, let us take a look at another common way to conceptualize emotional skills – the ability test approach.

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Ways to measure emotional intelligence

One of the most common ways to assess your emotional quotient (EQ) is through self-assessments. There are several different types of assessments that people have developed to help determine someone’s EQ.

The two main categories are questionnaires and tests. Both can be done either in person or via online tools. Questionnaire surveys usually ask you to respond according to how you feel at a given time, whereas tests require you to answer a series of questions under specific conditions.

A popular test for determining one’s EQ is called The Mayer–Johnson Ability Test. This test was created by Dr. Robert Mayer and Irene Johnson back in 1972 and has since then been modified multiple times. It takes around twenty minutes to take the test, and there is no wrong way to score it.

Your overall EQ will be determined by your performance on three sub-tests in the following areas:

* Self-regulation – understanding what controls you and how to use them effectively
* Relationship management – being able to manage relationships and empathizing with others
* Acceptance of differences – showing tolerance towards things that are different from you

Interpreting the results of any assessment like this depends mostly on whether you believe the test writer. Some tests may not be accurate because they were designed years ago when some of the norms were very different.

Skills you need to have

First, it is important to know that emotional intelligence (or EQ for short) comes in three main domains: listening, empathy, and management.

All three of these domains are essential as they help us connect with other people and understand their emotions. In fact, research has shown that lower levels of emotional intelligence can hurt your career more than having low self-confidence or being bad at interpersonal skills.

It’s like how someone who doesn’t pay his bills might fall into debt, but poor financial literacy can also cost them their job.

Likewise, if you don’t take stock of your own feelings and put effort into understanding others’ experiences, this can hurt your work relationships – and even your overall success.

So, while confidence is definitely a quality worth developing, knowing what to do with those confident feelings is just as important. This means figuring out whether something made you feel good about yourself or not, and then deciding whether to keep doing it or try something different.

It’s also important to recognize when a situation has changed and things are no longer working. When you do, you can start looking for ways to change or fix the problem, or cut ties so that you don’t have to.

Skills you should have

First, make sure you are aware of your emotional intelligence (EI) skills. This includes understanding your own emotions, being able to identify other people’s emotions, and using these insights to motivate yourself and others.

It is very easy to think that everyone else has their sh*t together and thus feel discouraged when they find something annoying or frustrating – but this perception can be short-sighted.

Other individuals may not seem like they have control over their emotions, but if you know how to read them, you will discover that they do.

If someone seems angry, give them some time to calm down before interacting with them. If someone looks sad, try to understand what made them so and help them work through it.

By showing empathy and compassion for others, you increase their trust in you which helps promote motivation and teamwork.

Ways to boost your emotional intelligence

A lot of people believe that being more emotionally intelligent means developing self-awareness, understanding emotions in yourself and others, and controlling or changing how you feel.

This is not correct!

Emotional intelligence does not relate to feeling good about yourself or learning how to control your feelings.

That is what it refers to as “intelligent” emotion regulation.

It is actually referring to something much deeper than that.

Seek feedback

As we know, one of the major components of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This can be tricky to measure because most people tend to feel more motivated towards things that make them feel good about themselves.

So, how do you determine if someone feels confident in their own abilities? By looking at their actions and behaviors. Does this person get involved in projects they are passionate about? Do they put effort into work they care about? If so, then they probably have some level of confidence in their ability to succeed.

There are several ways to gather such information including asking directly, watching behavior, talking with colleagues, and analyzing documents and emails. More advanced methods include using psychometric tests or structured interviews.

By seeking out different types of feedback, you will find that many areas of your emotional intelligence are underdeveloped. You may also notice that these weaknesses correlate with problems in other domains of your life.

Be honest with yourself

One of the most important things you can do as a person is be honest with yourself. If you think that you have low emotional intelligence, then you need to realize it – you don’t!

Everyone has their own level of empathy, or understanding of how other people feel. We all have our own levels of self-confidence, and we all have different ideas about what matters to us and what doesn’t.

But being able to recognize your limitations isn’t a bad thing; it helps you identify your strengths and gives you an opportunity to work on them.

By being aware of your weaknesses, you are giving yourself a chance to improve. You will also learn how to motivate yourself more effectively by recognizing the limits of your skills.

It may even help you in your career if others notice that you seem less confident, but who knows?

You could find that having lower EI makes you a better leader one day.

Speak with your partner

If you find that your relationship is getting more and more difficult, it’s time to look at your emotional intelligence. It’s easy to think that because of how you feel about something, your mate doesn’t understand you anymore.

But what if what he or she really needs isn’t understanding, but acknowledgement of their feelings?

It may be hard for them to say so, but they need someone who can relate to things from their point of view.

They might even appreciate that you have an opinion too, instead of being quiet when they show signs of emotion.

By showing empathy, not only will they feel understood, but also respected. This could help restore trust in the relationship.

Practice meditation

In addition to practicing gratitude, another way to increase your emotional intelligence is by practicing mindfulness or “paying attention”. By doing this, you are learning how to recognize and process emotions that arise in your life.

Mindfulness can be practiced anywhere at any time. You do not have to sit down for it to work! Simply paying attention to what you are doing moment-to-moment teaches you about yourself and the world around you.

Some ways to practice mindfulness include:

Practicing yoga – This has been shown to reduce stress and improve overall health and wellness. There are many different types of yoga, so pick one that feels right to you!

– This has been shown to reduce stress and improve overall health and wellness. There are many different types of yoga, so pick one that feels right to you! Doing something active - Walking, swimming, running, whatever activity you feel like doing is great for your mind as well as your body.

– Walking, swimming, running, whatever activity you feel like doing is good for your mind as well as your body. Stopping and taking breaks are also important components of mindfulness. Give yourself a few minutes every couple hours to move away from the computer or device you were working with.

These are just some examples, there are many more ways to learn how to pay close attention to the present moment.