How To Tell A Girl You've Lost Interest
Howdy! A Portland, OR native, I currently reside in the northern San Diego County area as a freelance writer. When I'm not sipping coffee, soaking up some rays and writing or playing guitar you can find me at the hot yoga studio.
For many women, their instinct is to try to get more affection, attention, or affection from you.
But that won't necessarily help with your inability to return any of these.
On the other hand, a girl who truly does not have any sexual interest in you at all is likely to be fine with you.
In fact, a woman who is not attracted to you will still have a lot to offer you for reasons beyond sex.
For example, she may be attractive, successful, or intelligent
She might be nice or kind. She may share your interests and values.
She may be a good friend. Or she might even romantically be into you.
If you were just into her as a sexual object and not as a person, that could be damaging.
Some girls, especially jock/model types, require a lot of physical and sexual attention from their boyfriends, so if she's not giving it, it's understandable if you're not into it.
But remember, there are plenty of other women who have interests that are just as admirable as yours.
It's also important to be as clear and direct about your interests as you can because a girl can be moved to jealousy if you're more interested in someone else than her.
Be honest and straightforward
Tell her you're attracted to someone else, and how you are.
If she is interested in someone else, she will appreciate your honesty and be less likely to engage in dishonest behavior to get your attention.
For instance, she might try to pull you away from this new interest or try to make you jealous by pursuing this other person.
This might be a good time to talk about your different expectations about relationships, and consent, and mutual pleasure.
Here are some key ways to tell a girl you've lost interest
1. You treat her differently
You do not text her as much. You avoid physical contact with her.
You are generally less interested in her. Perhaps you've suddenly stopped talking about your new interest.
2. You're not as responsive to her
You don't answer her texts as quickly. You are less responsive when you are with her.
You are not showing up for her interests. You are not being present for her and her interests.
3. You are not pursuing other women
You are not initiating conversations with other women. You are not offering your attention to other women.
You are not going to parties, bars, clubs, etc. to see other women.
4. You've not found new interests to replace her
You have not been dating other women.
You are not making any effort to meet new women.
5. You are not going to the gym.
You are not getting back into shape. You are not maintaining your fitness.
6. You are not doing new activities that she is interested in
You have not made new friends. You do not hang out with your new friends.
You do not take any new classes or new experiences.
7. You are not giving her what she wants
You are not showing her affection. You are not sharing your interests.
8. You've given up
You're resigned to your fate.
She can be a challenge to get the spark back in a long-term relationship
No matter how you feel about her, you may find it hard to come up with a comeback to a girl who really has moved on.
Maybe you feel that she's too difficult to get along with, or that she's gotten emotionally unavailable, or that you can't do enough to keep her happy.
These feelings can make it difficult to communicate with her when you've lost interest.
If you've never had a long-term relationship, it's harder to get into the habit of talking about your feelings for a long-term partner, especially if she is actively seeing someone else.
Be aware of this, and try to think through your sentences before you send them to her.
Try to imagine what she might be feeling if she thinks you're losing interest in her.
If you think you're losing interest in her, you need to communicate to her the reasons why.
This is especially important if she doesn't take things very well. You may find it difficult to say anything to her if you feel that you'll upset her.
Start with a simple statement, such as, "I want to do some research and figure out how you really are."
Don't underestimate the power of this type of statement
It will often cause a girl to come to her senses if she thinks you're just blowing her off to do "research."
If she doesn't get the hint after you have given her some time to think about the situation and find out what she wants, you can offer to help her make the move.
Since you are at her level in the hierarchy of dating, you should be able to talk about how she is going about things, and how she can make things better for herself.
You can tell her that she should contact you more, or that she should come out with you more often, or that she should make new friends, or that she should find new interests, etc.
Help her to understand that her problem is her lack of self-confidence.