How To Tell If Someone Lacks Emotional Intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ for short) has become one of the most popular psychology theories. Although it was discussed some time ago, it really took off in popularity after Daniel Goleman published his best-selling book “Emotional Intelligence” back in 1995. Since then, many other experts have made significant contributions to the field by offering their own theories about what makes someone more or less intelligent in regards to emotions.

Many people now believe that being smart is not only determined by how well you do with numbers and logic, but also your understanding and control of your own feelings as well as those of others. A person who can manage his or her emotions better will likely succeed much more than someone who cannot.

Studies show that having high levels of emotional intelligence is linked to a number of positive outcomes. These include lower rates of anxiety and depression, higher quality relationships, and greater career success. On the flip side, low emotional intelligence is associated with higher stress levels, poorer mental health, and job dissatisfaction.

Given these benefits, it seems clear that everyone should strive to develop their emotional intelligence. Unfortunately, there are no definitive tests to determine whether someone is good at controlling their emotions or not. Therefore, we must instead rely on indicators such as behavior, comments, and examples.

This article will talk about several ways to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence.

They cannot read the situation

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

Many people have an easy time identifying all of the parts of this theory, but they may not actually know what it means. People who can’t read the situation are not able to recognize how someone else is feeling and therefore don’t understand why that person is behaving in a certain way.

This will be very difficult for them to grasp since they aren’t familiar with the emotions that other people possess. It is also hard to identify when someone isn’t being honest because they don’t feel like telling you something.

If someone has difficulty reading the emotional cues in a given situation, then they won’t be able to fully understand the reasons behind their behaviors or whether those reasons are valid.

They are always on their guard

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

Many people have a very guarded emotional style.

They tend to be on edge all the time. If you try talking about something that makes them feel good or happy, they will quickly change the topic.

If someone else says something that makes them feel bad or unhappy, they will immediately start trying to make things better by saying what needs to be said.

This can backfire though because it often leaves you feeling hurt and frustrated. You might even think they do not like you anymore when before you had an excellent relationship.

On top of this, most experts agree that being emotionally intelligent is a lifelong skill.

So, whether someone has it or not comes down to hard work and practice.

They get angry or frustrated quickly

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

Many people are not able to control their emotions, making it hard for them to understand what kind of mood you should be in before they were born and then trying to maintain that mood until they leave the house.

People who lack emotional intelligence cannot enjoy things because they are always worried about how they will feel next time something happens.

They may also worry too much about other people’s perception of them which can make them appear very insecure.

On top of all this, they may be intolerant of different opinions. All these traits prevent them from really connecting with others and sharing important parts of themselves.

They cannot handle negative situations

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

Many people have a theory about what makes someone good or bad, smart or not. They have a perception of how intelligent someone is because they can count up from zero when person A says something mean to person B to think that person B is more intelligent than person A.

That’s fine! It's totally valid to use intelligence as a way to determine whether someone is good or evil, lovable or hateful. But it’s important to know where those limits are. When you find out just how many times someone has hurt other people, it becomes very clear how much they lack emotional intelligence.

People who show little emotion for extended periods of time are often described as having “blank stares.” This is an ugly trait and one that we should all strive to avoid.

If you notice a frequent occurrence of this, it may be your own inner struggle with emotional maturity. You're probably looking at a lot of uncomfortable looks and feeling even more insecure about yourself.

It could also be that someone else doesn't understand you or your emotions. Either of these things is completely fine, but needs to be addressed. Hopefully, though, you'll realize that there's nothing you need to do except learn how to let go and work through your feelings in a healthy manner.

They are not consistent

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

One of the most significant signs that someone lacks emotional intelligence is when they are not consistent in how they show emotions. If you look at some people’s expressions, you will notice that their face changes frequently- sometimes it looks like they are angry, then moments later, they seem amused. It is hard to tell what their true feelings are because they do not have stable mood rings.

Some other indications of low EI include being very literal and rational instead of using your senses to get insights into others’ emotions, which can be done by looking at their behaviors and speech. You may also find that they underestimate or ignore the effects of certain actions upon those around them. For example, if you know one person who is passionate about sports, they might not realize how much this passion costs their friends, colleagues, and family members.

If you feel that there is something off about a friend, colleague, or loved one, try to determine whether there is a lack of emotional intelligence as an explanation. Sometimes, things that seem odd are just ways that they deal with life.

They are not honest

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

Sometimes, people get so focused on looking good that they forget about other important things like being honest with others. It is very common in workplace settings for employees to put their own interest first and worry more about getting credit for their work than if it benefits someone else.

It is also common to see people talk negatively about others behind their back or take advantage of them because they do not protect themselves from hurt. In fact, there’s a term for this kind of person – narcissistic!

Narcissists lack emotional intelligence. If you have ever met one, you know what I mean. These individuals are always thinking about how much praise they received instead of sharing stories about how hard they worked.

They typically underestimate the importance of others and make too many assumptions based on appearances. All these behaviors show up when they find it difficult to relate to other people and understand why different actions might impact them.

They are not vulnerable

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

Many people have a very limited concept of what emotional intelligence is. Some say that it is having a good mood, or being able to laugh at yourself, but those things alone do not make someone have high EQ.

Emotional quotient (or “EQ” for short) refers to your ability to recognize, identify, understand, manage, and control your emotions. It is also referred to as emotion regulation.

People with higher levels of EQ can be more aware of how their actions affect others, and they are usually less likely to take hostile approaches towards other people. They may even notice when a friend is trying to help you feel better about something and try to bring out the same feelings in them so that you can both process this experience together.

They are also more likely to put aside their own desires and focus on helping others achieve their goals instead of looking out only for themselves. In fact, some experts believe that practicing empathy and encouraging altruism could be an adequate way to measure overall EQ.

They lack humor

how to tell if someone lacks emotional intelligence

People who do not find things funny are sometimes described as having no sense of humor. This is clearly not true, but it can be hard to tell whether or not someone has a sense of humor unless you have them laugh at something for very long.

It is difficult to tell when people are trying to seem serious or professional than they actually are. A way to recognize this is by looking for instances where they try to sound more formal or intelligent than they really are.

If you notice that these changes occur frequently, then your should consider investing in their emotional intelligence. It may take some time to get used to though, so make sure you are not taking any actions because of this quality until you have proof that it exists.

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