How We've Been Misled By 'emotional Intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence has become one of the most popular psychology theories. Emotional quotient (EQ) or “emotional literacy” is now considered to be an important factor in workplace success. Companies that emphasize EQ as a crucial element in their employees' performance rewards are seen as more efficient workforces.

This theory was made famous when Daniel Goleman published his bestseller "Emotional Intelligence" back in 2002. Since then, other experts have built off his ideas and added their own contributions to the field.

Many professionals agree that having high levels of emotional intelligence is a good thing. But there are also many who doubt the accuracy and reliability of this theory.

In fact, some believe that it may even create a false sense of confidence for people with low emotional IQs.

It's a modern thing

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence has become one of the most popular psychology theories. Emotional literacy or understanding emotions is now being marketed as something that everyone should learn, even if you’re not particularly strong in them.

This theory was made famous by Daniel Goleman back in 1995 when he published his best-selling book The New Psychology. Since then it’s been adapted for TV shows and movies, and even received its own award at this year’s World Human Rights Summit.

But while all these appearances may make you think that people are now obligated to be more aware of their feelings, what they fail to tell you is that having higher levels of emotional intelligence (or EI) is already pretty common.

It’s just called ‘being normal’

We’ve seen lots of examples of high emotional intelligence before – look no further than your average movie hero! - but how much do we really know about it?

Luckily, there have recently been some attempts to create an official measure of EI which can be used to compare individual test scores with other individuals. Using these tests, we can get a good sense of whether someone else might have higher or lower levels of emotion regulation than you.

Only consider their feelings

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Many experts now claim that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ. They suggest that learning how to regulate your emotions is a fundamental skill for healthy living, and one that can have powerful impacts on your career and personal life.

By this logic, people who are good at regulating their emotions are better workers and parents than those who aren’t. And since we all have limited resources of emotion, being able to use them effectively helps us maximize our happiness.

So what do these experts tell you should make you feel happy? Stopping yourself before you say or do something you will regret! Or avoiding situations in which you might get hurt or disappointed.

This sounds reasonable, but it leaves out an extremely important part of human nature.

The thing about humans is that we want things – we want food, shelter, love, safety, knowledge, etc. In other words, we want things because they make us feel good.

And making someone else feel bad makes us feel good. It's why bullies are so popular.

Studies also show that when others fail, go through hardships, or suffer loss, it can help us develop resilience, a quality that allows us to withstand similar experiences later on.

It may even strengthen our relationship with them. So while there is some truth to the idea that becoming less sensitive could improve your emotional well-being, there is far more value in staying resilient and strong.

Treat people the way they want to be treated

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EQ as it is sometimes called) has become one of the most popular psychology theories. Emotions such as gratitude, empathy, compassion, and respect are said to play an important role in success and happiness.

Many self-help books emphasize the importance of emotions in your life and career. And many companies offer courses or seminars on improving your emotional skills.

But there’s a major problem with this theory: It’s wrong.

Research does not back up the claim that being emotionally intelligent will make you happier and more successful in life. In fact, studies show that when we try to control our own feelings, these feelings can even have positive effects on us.

In this article, we'll look at the evidence for and against emotional intelligence. Then, we'll discuss how treating other people like children may be bad for their development.

It's a fake thing

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Many people have been misled to believe that emotional intelligence is something important, even crucial to success.

This belief was perpetuated in part because early definitions of EQ included traits such as empathy or understanding emotions. These are good things, but they're not enough anymore.

The problem with earlier versions of the term is that they focused only on certain types of emotion — mostly positive ones like gratitude or sympathy. Missing from this definition is any sense of how to manage anger, frustration, or other negative emotions.

A more accurate way to describe it now is "general" IQ plus one additional component: Emotion literacy. This means knowing what emotions are and how to recognize them so you can better understand and control them.

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There is no reliable evidence that having high levels of emotional intelligence helps you succeed in life. In fact, research shows that being able to read and control your own emotions doesn’t necessarily help you achieve your goals. Sometimes it actually gets in the way.

Many experts agree that too much focus on emotional skills leaves you feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and unprepared for challenges. At times, it can contribute to making bad decisions and hurting others.

While some individuals may feel happier or more comfortable in relationships due to their limited ability to regulate emotions, it comes at a cost to their personal growth and happiness.

It's not the same as personality

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence has become one of the most popular psychology theories. Emotional quotient or EQ is described as how well you are able to control your emotions and understand what other people’s emotions are.

This theory was made famous in Daniel Goleman's bestselling book The New Age Emperor and his books like Emotion Logic and Working with Emotions. He also created an eight-point scale that assesses someone’s emotional IQ.

But there are several problems with this concept. First, it downplays or even ignores the importance of our personal qualities such as our personalities.

Second, it focuses too much on how we feel about things instead of why we feel them. This makes it difficult to connect emotionally with others and helps no one achieve true happiness.

Third, it can be very subjective depending on who you ask for your scores. There is no standard way to measure it.

Fourth, it seems to make money off of creating more ways to train yourself in emotional management skills. But if everyone had the same level of emotional intelligence, then what would happen to those who were less capable?

Fifth, many claim that having high emotional intelligence means you're good at putting on fake smiles and pretending to be happy when you're not. That may help you get through the day, but it doesn't really help you stay connected and happy over time.

There are many definitions

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Most people agree that emotional intelligence (or EQ as it is often referred to) is important, but they differ in what the term actually means.

Mostly, people refer to it as something like “being able to control your own emotions” or "managing your emotions well."

But these descriptions lack accuracy because they ignore another key part of the definition – understanding other people's emotions.

In fact, some versions even remove the word “understand” altogether!

So how do you learn about someone else's emotions if all you know is that they're not controlling their own? You can't! - Theo Despins, CEO at MyAppGuru

There are several theories about what makes up emotional intelligence, so which one(s) you believe doesn't matter much. What does matter is whether those beliefs help you achieve your goals and spend time more effectively with others.

Here we'll discuss the differences between three popular models and see if any stand out over the rest. Then, we'll assess whether there's solid evidence that points towards either option being better than the rest.

There are many definitions of success

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

People often use the term ‘emotional intelligence’ as an excuse to promote their own self-help books or courses. It is also used to justify why certain behaviors are important for career success.

But what most people don't realize is that emotional intelligence has been around much longer than we give it credit for.

There are at least 5,000 recorded instances of the word 'intelligence' in ancient Greek writings.1 And while some theorists may add more components to the definition today, Aristotle's classic work The Nicomachean Ethics defined wisdom (or prudence) as knowledge of good and evil along with moral strength.2

This means that there was a time when everyone had access to the same level of emotional intelligence!

In fact, early philosophers like Plato believed that having strong emotions was a bad thing because they thought feelings were caused by external factors – such as hunger or fear of death–and so weren’t controlled by your internal state.3

He even coined a phrase to describe this type of person: someone who uses their emotions only to gain an advantage over others.

It's all in your head

how we've been misled by 'emotional intelligence

Over the past few years, emotional intelligence (or EI for short) has been getting a lot of attention. Many claim it as an essential skill to have in this ever-connected world we live in. You read that statement more than once and get excited about the potential benefits.

Most recently though, there have been some major setbacks for emotional intelligence. Some experts are even calling it a fad.

It seems like every week another article is written about how you can improve your emotional intelligence or at least recognize what emotions other people are feeling so you can better understand them.

These articles often suggest using strategies such as practicing mindfulness or developing relationships — anything but actually changing who you are under the skin.

Because according to these writers, emotional intelligence isn’t something you're born with, it's something you develop through education and practice.

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