What Do Successful Marriages Have In Common
Howdy! A Portland, OR native, I currently reside in the northern San Diego County area as a freelance writer. When I'm not sipping coffee, soaking up some rays and writing or playing guitar you can find me at the hot yoga studio.
Marriage is not a perfect relationship, but it is the best relationship anyone can have.
So many couples divorce today that it is truly a shame.
Successful marriages have some very distinct qualities that set them apart from less successful marriages.
They all need work, but they make a great choice.
1. Enough intimacy
It doesn't matter if you have ten children, if you don't have enough physical intimacy it's not going to work out.
Physical intimacy is important because it allows you to connect and express yourself. It allows you to share your thoughts and dreams.
A person needs at least five good hours of sexual intimacy every week to feel complete and fulfilled sexually.
By being intimate, couples get to see each other naked, have conversations, and be intimate in other ways that are not sexually related.
2. A desire to reach for the same goal
Successful marriages do not look the same. The reasons for success depend on the couple.
For example, if one spouse wants to climb the corporate ladder, while the other wants to retire at age 60 with several children and a big house, they're not going to be successful.
Successful couples have a desire to move in the same direction. They set goals for themselves and plan to reach those goals together.
They don't work in isolation. Their goals are in sync.
They know how their relationship impacts their goals and the other person's goals.
3. Compatibility in setting goals
Trying to do things individually to reach goals without involving another person can make them fail or make them succeed.
A successful marriage requires two people who can set and achieve goals together.
Goals are great things, but without someone to keep you accountable you might end up quitting before you get started.
4. Political differences don't matter
We're so divided today. We don't see eye-to-eye on anything. The issues we are so divided over in the United States are minuscule compared to what really matters.
Political parties are oftentimes in conflict, but not between the people who are going to support that party.
Political differences are insignificant to the success of your marriage.
Both sides care about the success of their party, but if you don't get along you are not going to be able to compromise or work together.
So many couples have to work together on some issues that divide them. People who can compromise are the ones who succeed.
5. Being honest is key
A successful marriage requires both honesty and trust.
Being honest with each other and letting them know what you are feeling, what you are thinking, and what you are thinking about is essential to being a successful marriage.
6. Kids are not a conflict
Children are the biggest challenge most couples face.
Divorce rates have increased because couples don't understand how to deal with children in a way that does not damage the children's emotional, mental, and physical health.
Children can become the root of the destruction of a marriage.
The emotional impact a child has on a marriage cannot be underestimated. As the older child gets older, the responsibility of providing for the family falls more on the child.
The child begins to feel abandoned because the responsibility of taking care of the family has shifted. The parent might think the child isn't trying hard enough or is not doing as well as he or she should be.
Children have an impact on our marriages even when we aren't raising them. If we are honest with ourselves, we'll acknowledge that children change a relationship into a parenting relationship.
The conflict in the marriage might not be about children; it might just be because the parents are in an uncomfortable situation.
7. Negotiate before going to war
You can't hold a gun to someone's head and force them to be your best friend. Good marriages require work.
Good marriages are negotiated, and both people have to agree on what is best for the relationship.
8. Laugh and relax
We all know the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine." Laughter is one of the best ways to relieve stress.
If you are in a stressful situation, get a good laugh. My dad used to tell me, "Don't think of the fun parts of life, think of the parts you might miss."
9. Get some sleep
If you are too tired to go to sleep, your relationship is in danger of becoming unhealthy.
Get at least seven to nine hours of sleep each night, but more would be better.
10. Learn to be alone
Being alone is not a bad thing. We all need a little alone time.
It allows us to come back to ourselves, to do the things that we enjoy and that are good for us.
Having alone time will help you deal with the stress of your day.
If you're too tired to have alone time, just sleep for an hour or two and wake up fresh.